Sharing a Tumblr blog that's beautiful

Click the image to open the blog in a new tab. It has a loading page - which I think is odd because it's not terribly complicated. Maybe it's for some sort of aesthetic reasoning? Anyway, you may be cautioned if you're doing something else complicated and/or have a fussy computer.

My Facebook was deleted

Which really pisses me off. It was a private account. I didn't encourage starvation - though for some reason I kept getting added to groups I couldn't leave. I had a ton of friends. They also deleted my blog fan page. :/ Which brought me lots of traffic.

So whoever reported my facebook page

Go cuck a sock.

Yeah. I don't even know how to go about reconstructing what I had.

I've sent facebook an email asking for my fan page back. I'm not going to fuss over the facebook account itself, because I was in fact using a "false name." Nevermind that I lost about 3000 friends. I'm more concerned over the couple hundred fans on my fan page. I really loved that :( I consider that a bigger loss.

I really did try to be careful of who I added, and who could see my profile. For every friend I added I also rejected a creeper.

It's amazing how isolated having your account deleted can make you feel. I went from having this huge support group to there being this...wall... Cut off and rejected. Suddenly, with no warning. I feel like I've been robbed.

One more thing! Who are they to say it was a false name?
Sooo many people have double facebook accounts for work purposes.
Lots of people don't use their real last names on facebook.
You're not even allowed to use a cartoon character in your facebook photo, which is the meme this week, because it's copyrighted material.
Really, getting your facebook deleted is arbitrary and

Well, I'm just pissed. You know that.

Facebook has become something of a social necessity. I mean, my real one is the only way I maintain friendships. I have no money or car or apartment or other way to get in touch with them...

It's actually a bit scary how easily that can be taken away.

Especially considering that there are literally THOUSANDS of false-named girls on facebook.

...I'd like to know what's wrong with seeking understanding from people who think like you do.

Why do people insist they know what's right for us?

And why is "right" mean suffering alone?

Because I know the fact that my name wasn't real isn't the real reason I was deleted. It was just the excuse. Someone had a reason for what they did. Some stupid self-righteous reason... I hope whoever it was gets hit by a truck.

Nutrition info, and a question

The only class I'm doing well in is Nutrition. I could have taken the exams the first day of class and gotten a good grade. And I'm thrilled I'm doing well in at least one course - looking at an A I would say. We had the last lecture in the class on Monday, and the topic was eating disorders. I have a feeling I could do this exam while juggling on a unicycle.

That sounds totally conceited. Oh well.

There's a lab for that class too. The assignment due next week is a write-up having to do with basal metabolic rate. I'm thinking of modifying it a bit and posting it to my blog so you can see the tables and formulas and all that.

Also, apparently being malnurished can lower your BMR - I expected fasting to do so, but this was listed separately. So that's a pretty good reason to take your vitamins and try to get things when you can.

Oh, and in my lecture my professor mentioned youths who had chronic illnesses being at higher risk for eating disorders. She mentioned diabetes as an example, because it's an issue that requires watching your diet. Which is weird. I knew the other risk factors she listed - things like having been abused, having critical parents, high family expectations. I think the chronic illnesses note was anecdotal, because she used to work at a hospital and she mentioned seeing a lot of it.

I'm very curious if any of you can relate to having had a "chronic illness" as a child?

Real Failure.

I'm doing horribly this semester.

I'm at my low weight, but I'm scared I'm going to gain because frankly just about everything has changed for the worst in that regard.

I feel so sick. I don't want to get sick.

I have to see a doctor and I haven't had a flu shot.

I missed every Spanish class this week. I'm 90% sure I'm going to fail.

I'm 99% sure I'll fail my other morning class, because I have an adversary. Some horrible chick who dominates the group and is ostracizing me because I wasn't there for the planning stages of the project - which is like 3 classes - even though I'm trying to catch up.

I'm almost certainly going to have to go over her head on this one. I am reading a lot into her behavior, but there's just this oboxiously stuck-up vibe I get from her. Her body language too - won't look at me, won't address me directly.

I'm going to have to fight every second of this semester and I'm terrified of this. That chick should really get hit by a train or something.

This semester is awful. I have almost no shot. I'm scared. F*cking scared. I just want to pause everything, and go escape reality for an undetermined amount of time. Maybe during this escape whatseruglyface will get hit by that train. That would be fantastic. The world pauses, but she still gets hit by a train.

Perfect world.

Fail fail fucking failure.

I swear, nothing hurts more than trying and failing.

NO ONE BELIEVES I'M TRYING

That hurts too. I can't get out of bed in the morning. I miss my buses. I curse myself, I curse the buses, I cry - nothing comes of it. And of course I'm too fucking scared to talk to my professors. I don't have anything to say to them. Maybe a psychology professor would understand that I can't get out of bed in the morning but that's so damn personal. I'm terrified of talking to people, and of conflict. I don't want to cry in someone's office. I don't want to get bitched at for not trying hard enough.

I fucking hate self pity, but I can't get a grip on myself. I've felt violent urges several times this semester. It's stress. I haven't hurt anyone, but I fucking dare someone to talk to me in a state like that.

I'm so fucking stuck in the middle of everything. I can't do anything right. Everything is against the grain.

I'm fucking terrified

and I'm sorry for the swearing. I swear a lot lately. I don't like it either.

New low weight :] and a question

I'm at 125 :]

Scared I won't be able to maintain it.

Also, a question

When I lose weight, it feels like everything else gets bigger and I stay the same. Clothes get baggier. Bones that protrude seem like they popped out of nowhere. Seats seem wider.

Is it like that for you too?

Healthy foods, cheap

Forgive the links, I realize they seem bare and lazy - but I'm pretty much broke - and this is on my mind. So I googled cheap healthy foods. Lots of results, actually. These are the first few.

There is some overlap, so... well, yeah.

I found it pretty helpful and informative.

15 healthy foods for about 2 dollars

20 healthiest foods under a dollar

25 Cheap, Healthy, and Delicious Foods

50 Healthy Foods for Under a dollar a Pound

I find this picture comforting

Paris Hilton being a spokesperson for some Australian beer company

The girls behind Paris in the picture are thin, yes, but I don't think they're underweight. Size 2 or 4. Paris is underweight. And I think the girls behind her are prettier than her, and that has to do with shape.

My boyfriend agrees.

Maybe you'll disagree, or maybe it's trivial.

I just find this comforting.