Like things will be great for a while, but the friend will inevitable realize how worthless I am, and decide that I'm too boring, or weird to continue to be around.
I realize this is usually a self-fulfilling prophecy. That I pull away, and always feel sad, but like I'm doing them a favor.
"No really, it's okay. I suck."
My own low self esteem makes me pity myself sometimes. Which is sad too. Makes my brain turn inside out to think about self pity of self pity.
I don't even know what I mean.
It really is different here, though, than anywhere else in the real world. In the past, this blog has been a welcome responsibility, or something like that. Like people expect me to write.
Even when it was REALLY slow... like all summer, for instance - I never got *no* views, on analytics. Lowest was 3. Do I trust that? I don't know. But it feels good.
Anyway, now that I've given up on that accursed book, I hope I can be back.
Whatever I'm trying to say, let the one clear thing be that I love you girls.
we'll always be eagerly awaiting your posts, whether they're half an hour apart or months apart. stay strong x
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel about the friendships issue and it sucks. It's weird to see how easy it is for other people to form good friendships. I envy them... Hope to see you blog some more!
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