Slow.

You know what's awkward about being a psychology major?

Classes that talk about eating disorders. They all seem so basic.

I'm taking a class now, it's a 400 level course with lots of discussion. We essentially dedicated the entire class to Anorexia. I held back a lot, I could have contributed something to every statement made.

On one hand, it makes me feel not-incompetent. I have some serious issues with feeling incompetent among my peers.

On the other, it also makes me feel a little naked.

My head is filled with your blogs. I have a million anecdotes that aren't mine that fitted the individual items on the outline. I could have taught that class more thoroughly with tons of examples for everything from heritability to male motivations towards an ED.

I really love that class, though. I'm less scared of that professor than others... I'd say I'm not scared of her, but if that were true I'd have emailed her and asked her a million questions about what the hell I'm supposed to do to get into a position where I can help someone. Why don't they teach you this? It's so confusing figuring out organizational and long-term planning by myself. There are resources, but even the resources are intimidating to me at my school.

This is ridiculous, right?

Oh, that reminds me. What kind of degree do you need to work in an Eating Disorder Clinic? I don't think I want to be a doctor. Maybe later in my career. I think I do want my Masters degree.

I'm a shitty student. Not stupid, mind you - but there are differences between being smart and getting good grades. Organization, time management, and opening a book outside the library are qualities I can't even understand. I swear, sometimes it seems like time doesn't even work for me the way it does for other people.

That sounds ridiculous, but I mean I can have 20 minutes worth of things to do in 45 minutes, and no matter how important something is to me - everything drags. Nothing seems real. I'm not lazy, I'm willing to do things - they just feel like I'd doing them underwater. With studying, no matter how simple the material is (which I could absorb in a lecture, mind you) in the book, my eyes seem to glaze right over things. It's almost pointless to crack a book before a test. Almost.

Anyway. Let me know what sort of qualifications one might need to work in a clinic, if you happen to know. I know they're different by approach, and that necessary credentials will likely vary state to state - but some base with which to start putting things together will help.

I feel more vulnerable now than normal, when I post. I'm not ashamed of my emotions - but I'm normally proud of my intellect and sounding stupid is a fear of mine. I do need help, though.