Fatty Fat Fat Update.

I ate so much chocolate last night and I'm pretty disgusted with myself. Thinspo isn't working because I don't identify with it. Even though part of my brain thinks I'm still my low weight - but I KNOW that's not true. I'm pretty sure I'm around 140lbs right now, and I'm scared to check.

I've been drinking a TON of water lately trying to make myself feel better about how I've been eating, but I don't think it's helping me eat less.

I had to put my dog Gypsy Rose down 2 weeks ago. I almost posted a long post about how wonderful she was and how much I miss her. I had her from a puppy. She lived to be fourteen and a half, and then she had a stroke and developed epilepsy. Her back legs barely worked. It was the right thing to do, putting her down - but it left a hole in my life. My dad and I were with her when it happened, and I think she appreciated that.

I do have another dog. Popcorn. She misses her sister and won't sit in Gypsy's chair. Pops would sit in Gypsy's chair all the time when she was around - but now she won't.

I don't want to go on and on... there's a risk of that.

What else is up? My boyfriend has a job. Which means we'll probably be moving in together. I had a seasonal job - but I guess that's over now. I don't want to work there anyway. It kept me on my feet - but they don't tell you anything, it took an hour to get there, they payed minimum wage, I was constantly busy, and the floor managers got mad at me if I didn't look busy enough. I put up with it, yes - but I don't actually want that sort of abuse.

Other major life event. I took a leave of absence from school because I owed them money.

Then my late financial aid from last semester came in, too late.

lol, oh well. At least I have some money. I was so exhausted with being a student. A semester off will do me good. I need another job anyway.

I will say that I feel like I'm on the verge of a new motivational spurt for losing weight. I feel suffocated in my clothes.

My sleep schedule is completely backwards again, though. Which pisses me off. I don't want to be a vampire - and the longer I sleep the more total time I spend in this house. I always get home around a certain point in the night because of buses, but the later I sleep, the later the bus I catch. Thus squashing my boyfriend time. I'm actually writing this and it's 4:22AM - I'll set it up to post at a reasonable hour, though. I tend to do that.

My house is incredibly depressing. I'm powerless here.

Anyway... I'll force myself to write more. It will help get my weight down.

I love you girls. I hope you're all okay.