I literally have someone in my life who's convinced I'm trying to "destroy" him.
And it's hilarious.
Let this continue, then.
Anyway. Weight hasn't changed. Brain hasn't changed.
Although, there isn't any junk food in my house right now. The worst thing I'm eating regularly is hot chocolate with coffee mixed in. Which is awesome.
My shopping addiction is dulling down a bit. Which is good.
I currently need jeans, but I'm refusing to buy them until I lose the weight again. Eventually, when I'm down to wearing pajamas, my pride will still prevent me from buying jeans because I'm too fat. Hopefully this will motivate me. Hopefully it won't take that much.
I'm not motivated with school either. I know I'm doing very poorly in a couple classes, I'm completely dismissive. It's like I'm just tuned out. I can't learn.
I don't know how to fix this. Sleep? Sometimes I get a lot of sleep. Sleep doesn't fix it.
Maybe my confidence is too low. Academically. Maybe if I could just learn one thing well, the momentum would pick up. As it is, I read a sentence in a book fifteen times and never pick it up. Even if it's something I understood a year ago.
One good thing. I've started writing in my diary again. I dug it up and yesterday I wrote 14 pages. Granted it's a small diary, but it was a lot.
I noticed my thoughts were very jumbled, even in complete privacy.
Last time I started writing again, my thoughts cleared up a lot. It can be massively helpful.
I think, even if you have a blog, you should try a diary too. It's extremely free. I mean... You don't have to worry about seeking anyone's approval. It's all about understanding the things you do.
I think it makes me a better person than I would be... after a long time without writing regularly, I realize I've been doing things I don't understand. Like I'm less of a sentient human being than I was a few years ago.
Which is disturbing.