Friday, September 16, 2011

Update, then Diary

I literally have someone in my life who's convinced I'm trying to "destroy" him.

And it's hilarious.

Let this continue, then.

Muah hahahaha

Anyway. Weight hasn't changed. Brain hasn't changed.

Although, there isn't any junk food in my house right now. The worst thing I'm eating regularly is hot chocolate with coffee mixed in. Which is awesome.

My shopping addiction is dulling down a bit. Which is good.

I currently need jeans, but I'm refusing to buy them until I lose the weight again. Eventually, when I'm down to wearing pajamas, my pride will still prevent me from buying jeans because I'm too fat. Hopefully this will motivate me. Hopefully it won't take that much.

I'm not motivated with school either. I know I'm doing very poorly in a couple classes, I'm completely dismissive. It's like I'm just tuned out. I can't learn.

I don't know how to fix this. Sleep? Sometimes I get a lot of sleep. Sleep doesn't fix it.

Maybe my confidence is too low. Academically. Maybe if I could just learn one thing well, the momentum would pick up. As it is, I read a sentence in a book fifteen times and never pick it up. Even if it's something I understood a year ago.

One good thing. I've started writing in my diary again. I dug it up and yesterday I wrote 14 pages. Granted it's a small diary, but it was a lot.

I noticed my thoughts were very jumbled, even in complete privacy.

Last time I started writing again, my thoughts cleared up a lot. It can be massively helpful.

I think, even if you have a blog, you should try a diary too. It's extremely free. I mean... You don't have to worry about seeking anyone's approval. It's all about understanding the things you do.

I think it makes me a better person than I would be... after a long time without writing regularly, I realize I've been doing things I don't understand. Like I'm less of a sentient human being than I was a few years ago.

Which is disturbing.


  1. Yea, I love my journal as much as my blog. Sometimes, there are just other things you need to get out and it could make for an extremely post so....
    And, with the learning thing. Let me say...I had to take Algebra 3 years in a row before I got it. I'm into psychology and figured out that my lack of a learning skill came from being focused on real life stuff at an early age. I lived in an abusive and disfunctional home. Stuff in life will get in the way of your brain being able to function. My solution: I formed a close relationshiip with Heavenly Father. I prayed and prayed and still do about 4-7 times a day. I read scriptures and honestly, I became THE most normal person out of my whole family. It's like, "How did I come out of THEM?" But, it works. And, I'm a great learner now.

    Okay. Maybe that wasn't what you wanted to hear. Or, maybe something else IDK. Just trying to help, darling.
    Stay Strong<3

  2. for me its the ame,if i have gained and need a new jeans,i never buy them straight away,they work as a motivator to lose faster.good luck!