Sunday, March 29, 2009

Get Fit While Blogging, twitter, etcetera

This is something I came across a while back through my boyfriend, who blogs a lot, that I think is really interesting.

Do these exercises throughout the day to avoid blogger booty! You’ll feel better which could help you blog better.

Some of the tips seem somewhat impractical. A little too distracting to do while blogging, but others seem interesting. I often push myself out to the edge of my seat when I'm in class and alternate lifting legs, things like that. I don't do much while blogging, though. I should, my current habit is to sit on my ass for an hour or two writing my blog and then commenting on your blogs.

Anyways, yeah, I'm an internet addict. But there are worse internet addictions.

Speaking of internet addictions, who here besides Savory Sweet and I have discovered twitter? I've got a widget thing on the side of my screen. I don't entirely know what to do with it. I use it to say random things, like most people do.

This girl is someone worth following, though.

She found a really decent purpose for her twitter account. :D posts links to excellent thinspo pics.

Anyways, I got a really good workout last night. I feel like I could have done more, but I exercise late late at night. I started with some pacing, and weird spazzy dancing for my dog. lol. She got annoyed with me and left the room. Which is just as well because she gets weirded out when I do sit ups and stretching. Things like that. I did some crunches, some squats, some light weights...I can't remember everything. I don't really have a routine anymore, I just do whatever. I jogged in place...just twenty minutes but I did a LOT of walking.


My boyfriend is out of state. He's in PA until monday. I didn't want him to go, but he went anyway. :( He went to go help his friend move. Which is weird if you ask me. Is it normal to ask someone to travel 150 miles to help you move?? I mean, at least she's moving here, but it seems like things would be so much simpler if he just had to help her move in and not out. Does she have no friends?

I know what you're thinking. I trust him. I don't like it, but I trust him. She's also enlisted the help of another chick friend who I think talks to my boyfriend too much and her own parents. ...I don't like it.

On the bright side....they're all fat. I'm the skinniest one in his social circle, except for his ex girlfriend, who's not all that pretty. She's also very christian, and has three children and a husband who's very close to my boyfriend.

I know I sound like a bitch...but these are the sort of things that keep me sane. He has too many chick friends.

Though, I can't rationalize that I threatened not to eat anything while he's away. I only said that to worry him. :( I'm not going to do that... I do plan on eating less, though. It's just expected. I eat so much just because I'm with him.

Friday, March 27, 2009

I had an ED related dream wherein I was looking through my bag and found a bunch of half-eaten Krispy Kremes. I don't understand why... I don't eat those. They're the absolute epitome of empty calories and even a glutton like me knows to avoid them, but people were praising me and telling me how thin I looked. Anas, Mias. Things were odd and spacey. For some reason Miley Cyrus was there? Giving me a critical look.

I've been feeling like a fat failure lately.
I haven't lost weight in ages.
Only two pounds to my next goal and I can't reach it. It's so hard. Two more pounds, and I'll have lost 20lbs since that nightmarish day when I stepped on the scale and saw that I was re-becoming the cow I was in middle school.

I haven't gotten metamucil. I've had lots of fiber from other sources, though. I'm out of money now. I'll have to wait a few days.

I just feel so awkward. I'm reverting again. Reverting to a childlike stage of helplessness. Where I avoid responsibility and misbehave pretending I don't know any better.

A state of mind I get so often, where I hide behind anything because I feel incompetent and resultantly get absolutely nothing done.

I thought today would be a reasonable day. But my boyfriend bought oreos. I thought I'd only have one...but they were so good. So fresh. I had six. 320 empty calories added to a good day. This almost doubled the intake I've had today.

I'm also a failure at blogging.

I'm obsessed with my blog, but I fail

I stalk myself via google analytics. I don't necessarily recommend it. It might consume someone with perfectionist tendencies. The idea that improvement should come. My blog seems to weirdly parallel my personal progress. Not too impressive, but all slow progress is still measurable progress.

Therefor I have determined that greater dedication to my weightloss requires greater dedication to my blog. But given how stressful my life has been lately, I anticipate that it might not be entirely possible just now.

I don't know where to go from here.

I need some encouragement and motivation.

I can be this ( so mean..but so..possible )

Or this.

^ editted this last pic. Was dissatisfied with that last one.

Thursday, March 26, 2009


I'm sure most of you have discovered youtube as a form of thinspiration, but has anyone discovered it's worth as exercise videos? There's a ton of amateurs on YouTube, and those videos are really helpful.

This one's a joke, but it's super cute.

lol ^_^ Combination thinspo workout.

K, now that you're all warmed up, care to do a lower ab workout?

I love youtube. It's like having your very own personal trainer. Just type in the part of your body you want to exercise and add "workout."


So yeah, that's awesome.

I was in CVS with my boyfriend and checked out the store brand metamucil. Almost bought it...but didn't. My beau knew what I wanted it for so he grabbed it out of my hands and put it back on the shelf. I laughed at him. He's funny when he's trying to be stern <3

Maybe tomorrow.

Night :)

Monday, March 23, 2009

No Diet Pills for Me, Thanks

Hey girls :)

I was on reddit and came across and article titled: "Why spend money on expensive diet drugs when this will fill you up and keep you from eating just as effectively? "

Personally, I'm terrified of diet pills. I mentioned in a previous entry that I have an aversion to caffeine. It doesn't sit well with me. It makes my heart race and I actually get scared for my well-being. The main purpose of caffeine in diet pills is that it speeds up the metabolism, helps compensate for the energy you're not getting from food, and acts as a diuretic. That's all well and good, but I think that things that speed up your metabolism just make you hungrier and I don't want to lose water-weight, I want to lose real weight.

Anyways, getting to the point

The article suggests "chugging Metamucil" [ link ]

"One little-known secret to weight loss, which is rarely discussed on the Internet, has to do with chugging Metamucil, and in particular, sugar-free Metamucil. Metamucil is nothing more than non-soluble fiber. It will fill you up but provide little actual nutrition. What's more, the sugar-free variety has only 5 calories per serving, yet makes you feel as if you just ate a whole meal!"


"It is not necessary to purchase name-brand Metamucil. The store brand or off-brand works just as well, and are the exact same quality on a general basis. However, the "clear" versions, such as Benefiber, are not effective for the diet since it does not bulk up."

I haven't tried this, but I'm definitely intrigued.

I may have to get some from the campus store this week!


I feel a bit guilty not having written yesterday. I was so distracted by adult swim games.
I may have to post a list of games ... you know ... as a distraction to or anything >_>


lol, k :)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Blogging and tips :o)

I've been thinking about my blog lately and the direction it's taking. I intended on finding things like statistics, trends, media, tips, resources, and posting every few days. I didn't intend to really have a blog that got very personal and talked about my own food intake and personal problems, at least not too much. I have a hard time staying on task, though.
I need to keep myself focused. The fact that it makes me stay on task is one of the reasons my blog is helping me. I'm not the type who benefits purely from support, I think I thrive on supporting others, especially since I'm not that good at expressing myself without sounding...awkward. That really turns people away.
Anyways, basically I'm saying I don't want to just post fluff when I just don't feel like trying, and though in review none of my entries are that bad, I just need to remind myself that people don't care about the cookies my mother made and how ridiculous the growth in my thighs was overnight. At least not without some sort of substantial context in which to frame it.

Anyways, now to some tips! :-)

"Stina" wrote:

"This post is inviting you to join in on TIP-SHARE 2009! Basically, I'm tired of reading tips or "tricks" on websites and in magazines and having no idea if they actually work. I want you to tell me tips that you actually use to lose weight, curb hunger, fast, avoid binging, stay motivated, and so on! You can post your tips in your blog so that everyone can read them."

I don't know if I have many original ideas, but I'll post a few that I think have worked for me at various points in my weight-loss history.

1. Exercise in the morning.
-Jump starts the metabolism in the morning. I once lost more than five pounds in a month or so without realizing it in high school just from a brisk fifteen minute walk in the morning to class.
2. Eat filling breakfasts
-seems like a lot of food is always a bad idea, but if you can get some whole grain toast, a couple egg whites, and a slice of cheese in the morning before you get going, your body appreciates it and you might not even be hungry by lunch, and it's also good for the metabolism. Breakfast in the morning keeps calories lower all day.
3. If you crave sweets, eat them in the morning.
-in moderation of course. You'll burn them off during the day, and personally if you're like me sweets are least appealing in the morning.
4. Do little exercises under the desk at work or school
-like lift your legs to work your thighs and lower abs, clench your butt a few times. I have a stress ball I put between my knees when I'm bored sometimes. It's like a tiny portable thigh-master. lol. It doesn't always feel like it's doing much, but any calories burned do not represent a wasted effort.
5. Read.
-Watching TV or going online leaves room for your mind to wander. Reading a book is different, at least to me, because I get into the book and breaking my train of thought for a sandwich (or an evil peanut butter chocolate chip oatmeal cookie...or six) is less desirable than ever.
6. Snacking.
-Better than meals. You never have that disgusting full feeling and you don't get hungry either. Calorie counts stay low. It's hard to avoid meals, but people will question you less if you've always got something small on you and they see you eat. I think that may be the secret of all the skinny people you know that constantly seem to be eating.
7. Don't be afraid of fat content
-This is an important one I've been meaning to stress for awhile. Fat and fiber both play a role in cleansing your body and running the metabolism. Things don't work right if you're lacking one of natures most important lubricants. You'll find if you're constipated, like a lot of Anas and dieters get, adding some more fat to your diet will help spur weight loss like you didn't expect was possible simply because your body isn't holding on to all the fat it takes in, it can use up what it has. it will lift your mood considerably, fairly quickly.

K, girls! Stay strong!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fat Porn, Star Trek, Calories and Caffeine

My boyfriend downloaded some fat porn.
Kind of an oddity thing. Curiosity. Novelty.
We watched it while we were eating.


Girls, there is no better anti-thinspo. Usually that stuff just doesn't work on me, but to see that in action.....a 250lb woman, flapping sloppily on top of some creepy looking dude... The sound effects, the multiple areas of folds and jiggles slapping against one another. Even her face was jiggling. Tits down to her naval, or where it would have been were it not a mile beneath a flap of lard.

I felt sick.

He kept eating, he's got a hell of a strong stomach for disturbing things like that. I can't even comprehend it.

If you're the type of girl who can't help but finish a minute of watching a film like this and having such an image burned into your head will cure that ailment. I know I'm not that fat, I know I'll probably never be that fat...but at the same time, to think that any part of me jiggles like she revolting.

Had to turn that movie off, of course. Went back to watching Star Trek with my nerdy boyfriend.

By the way : Perfect thinspo :


Been thinking about the whole bitchy email situation. I know I said I wouldn't mention it, but I'm feeling better now. I now see that for what it was...a bitchy email... It all happened so quickly, too, though I don't know where things are going on the forum. I don't honestly care to.

I was also severely lacking in sleep, so I was a bit on edge. I over-reacted.

I'm feeling very peaceful right now, though. Looking forward to a nice long nights sleep tonight, no class until the afternoon tomorrow.

It occurred to me that she might have called me "racist" because she might think I'm Hispanic because I go by "Ana Hambre" ...... Let's not even get into the implications of that. Pero yo creo que nos podemos comprendarlo.


Anyways, I haven't been doing well calorie-wise, though I haven't eaten a thing since I watched that terrible video... I ate an absolute ton this morning thinking it would keep me from eating later. It's supposedly healthier to make breakfast your largest meal of the day. I think I need to get the amount right......It was a lot.

Plus I had caffeine today. I wasn't thinking clearly, generally I avoid it. But I had a caffeine pill (100mg caffeine) and then a Rockstar energy drink a couple hours later (180mg). It didn't make me hyper like I'd have wanted. It didn't even make me feel alert. I was so stuffed with food, and then with a calorie-ridden energy drink, all I did was shake and feel ill. I was actually kind of scared of it all. I hate caffeine. I was hoping to speed up my metabolism to help get that junk out of me, but I ended up thoroughly unhappy this evening.

I do have caffeine on occasion. I took it when I was zoned out and going to see old friends, things worked out okay. and I'll usually have an energy drink before an exam I fear I might not be clear enough for. To keep me from zoning out. But I've learned 280 mg is far too much for me to handle. That sick feeling lasted for hours, even now I feel dizzy-ish standing up. I can only think it would be the caffeine.

On the bright side, I stepped on the scale the other day and I'm the lowest I've been...ever! At least at my adult height...I recorded it on weight chart so I hope it lasts. :-) I think I might be a tad dehydrated, though. So I must start guzzling water soon. lol. I think it's safe to blame the caffeine for that.

K. Off to tend to my health and comment on your blogs :)

Monday, March 16, 2009

Update (see previous post)

Clearly in the 21st century the use of a CHurch doctrine on onanism and
comparing it with an ED shows complter contempt of the Chrch of Later day
saints. When a meber of one group attacks another that is ideed racism when
it is based upon hatred of their religious doctrine.
Photos belong to the photogrpaher and the model. Posting them is a
violation of privacty. I don; thinl taht you would enjoy having a phto of
you in just yur panties blasted over the net. Indeed one member of [...],
[actual username of someone on that forum] complained voiolently when this occurred. Itis questionable whether
all the phtos showed girtls over 18 in all cases. there may be issues of
interstate trafficing in child porn your blog
If you were happy on [...] then wjyt did you make obnoxious posts here
Obvioulsy you npo longer want to part of [...].
After reviewing all the evidenve sunitteed in a short time the Advisory
Board declares that you are not suited to be part of our site. Severl
mmebrs requested you get help for your racist attitute towards minorities.
The conclusin is that you are banned in perpetuity from [...] effective on
March 17.
Your account has been closed
On Behalf of the Advisory Board

YOur case may be appealed to the state court of Utah where the hostmaster
server is located. As the losing party you will be expected to pay attorny
costs as well as damages. In addtion any attempt to interefere on [...] will
result in complints to appropriate authoriites including severs, police and
the federal prosecutor in charge of civit Rights crimes in your state.

Ugh. So damn frustrating.
Could anyone read that?

In any case...the reply is too unintelligible to get any angrier at. It was suggested that I document these exchanges. That's why I post.

She called me a child pornographer...gave the name of someone who I apparently offended (real smart)....and something about legal action?

I don't understand, but I'm not worried. She's got nothing, and I have NO interest in participating in anything related to her sites, ever again. Hopefully she'll leave me the fuck alone now.

Wow. I'm...upset

So... I posted a post at a forum.

Never you mind which one.

I posted something a friend of mine had posted in her xanga blog.

Never you mind which friend.

But it was an article about masturbation written by the Mormon church. I thought it was amusing, mostly because they actually kind of sounded like Ana tips. I made the connection that it's probably about as hard for a young man to stop masturbating as it is to stop eating.

Clearly I should have adjusted for audience, I understand. I wasn't too upset when the post got deleted. I have a group of friends that understand a coarse sense of humor.

Except the the admin...never you mind who that might be...insulted me in incredibly unprofessional ways. unbelievably so.

Now, the private messages weren't so bad. I can understand, I can be civil. but without my saying anything else to her, she emails me this:

"I was very surprised that on [...] you posted about your problems on this
site under a different name. I think that if you have a problem on one site
you will try to resolve it with the Administrators. Your post did show
complete hatred of a major religion in the worst way. It shows racism at
its lowest form. It also show an intolerance towards Ed's and a complete
disregard of decency.
In following your blog trail you also used photos that were taken from
personal thinspo areas of other sites. I think all the girls on [...] would
be interested in knowing that you do not have any regard for privacy or
morality in further spreading personal photos.
Therefore you are denied access to the personal photos on [...]."

Okay. So...RACISM?! How is that RACIST?!
You have to understand, I've had virtually NO interaction with this person. But I responded with ...many less-than-lady-like words. I was pretty much aiming to tear her a new one. I also asked to be banned. I suppose I didn't have to. Fact is, none of those seriously offensive insults make any sense. Racism. Go to hell. I'm not a racist, and hell, I like Mormons too (who you may already know are *not* a race). But apparently I can't find a document about the evils of masturbation the slightest bit humorous without being....RACIST???? and there was not "complete hatred of a major religion in the worst way." I just made fun of the page a little.
And HOW exactly is that showing intolerance towards EDs????! Ugh.

I've...never been so offended in my life. I had enough decency to let my post be taken down gracefully, I only mentioned my predicament on another site briefly in a topic ABOUT the other site. But she sends me that...ridiculously offensive email.

So... that's one forum I'll never return to again.

Forgive the rant, it's just so ridiculous.

Now I somewhat understand the part about the pictures. I'm not saying she's right. CERTAINLY not. If you've been to one blog, you've been to them all in many cases - thinspo pics are ridiculously reused and common. Seriously. I've been all over the internet in the proana realm and there are dozens of sites using the same images I am. She's got NO business threatening my blog. Ugh. And I NEVER got thinspo images from a girl's personal site or blog. I got them from people just plain posting thinspo. That's all.

In the interest of humoring google, however, if she's going to try reporting me (I don't think it's below her), I'm going to replace those images with [image] for now.

Forgive the low talk about this person if you know who I'm talking about, forgive the strong feelings - I'm just incredibly offended and this was all over something as trivial as an article about masturbation. The words "lol" "mormon" and "masturbation" in the same area code apparently make for racism. Hm. Interesting Recipe. If I hadn't used the word "Mormon" it would probably have stayed up.

The linked article in question
^TRY to tell me some of those tips don't translate to Ana.

I'm very angry. I can't show you what I wrote to show you how incredibly overblown this situation is because it was taken down. But if you've gotten any idea of the kind of person I am through this blog, you know I'm not the type who goes around spewing remarks around about people's spirituality ...or race for that matter. (seriously, wtf?).

...I need a hug. And someone tell me I'm right, please.

I'll get to commenting on your blogs after I get some sleep and calm down. If she reads this, and she certainly will, I'm asking her to stop. I'll have no desire to mention her again unless she does something else as momentously upsetting as what I've been left to rant about.

Though I visited the site in question one last time to find she's already begun to drag my name through the mud.

SOMEONE. I don't even know. Ugh. I'm so pissed I don't even have words anymore. I'm actually worried this is going to turn into harassment.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


Today I think I'm doing pretty well
I got confused though. You see, I was snacking at my boyfriends...again...when suddenly my stomach felt nasty and I thought it might go away, but it didn't. I ended up running to the bathroom and throwing up.

I felt much better afterwards, but I wondered how much of the snacks had come up. Reading mia blogs, it seems like the snacking wouldn't count. But I counted it anyway. I'm not bulimic...

It's my time of month now, and my stomach is always fussy around this time, but it's been a long time since I've thrown up. Maybe this will encourage me to eat a little less if I don't want to end up puking in my boyfriend's toilet. He accused me of doing it on purpose - I laughed that off, but I probably should have slapped him.

Oh, another boyfriend story. We were talking and he said something about moving in together one day. I asked him if he would think I was perfect by then...he said..."mu."

Apparently "mu" is some ancient Chinese or Japanese answer to a riddle that essentially means that the question can't be answered because it assumes something untrue.

I just accused him of calling me a cow.
Just to mess with him.

The thing is though, as much as he'd like me to think the assumption that he doesn't think I'm perfect is untrue - it's quite true. He doesn't think I'm perfect. He won't even tell me what he thinks is perfect. Probably because it's so far from what I am. Huge titted, fourteen, and and twenty pounds lighter than me.

Something I noticed today, though - I've got some impressive collar bones. I'm not particularly skinny, but I've got the kind of collar bones that you can see where they end in the shoulders, do you know what I mean?

I've got that little bump over there. Perhaps not quite as pronounced as hers.

In any case, I like it. Made me worry for a bit that perhaps my chest will get skinny long before my thick legs will, though. and I'll be a skeleton on top and still have a fat ass. Of course, my thick legs are part of the reason I've always looked thinner than I am. People guess my weight 10 lbs lighter because of all the fat hiding in my legs.


I've been a real bum lately. I get it from my parents. I don't think my dad's been to the IRS office to print out old taxes yet. He's impossible and an ass.

I said I'd make a 50 question survey workout.

The fifty questions were easy, the workout part? I can't seem to do, that's the harder half of it. It's started and in a draft.
I also waited to the latter part of the day to post, and my traffic is down.
I like attention.
So I need to pay attention.
Anyone else addicted to ?

I really would like to grow my site, I see I now have 21 followers :D that's quite exciting

Welcome girls!

Okay. I'm going to have a fiber one bar and catch up on some blogs before bed.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


There are a couple things I need to overcome if I want to get past this horrible plateau I've been on.

The biggest problem is how much I eat when I'm with my boyfriend.

It averages to about 800 calories in the six hours we're together.

I can't help it. I know that's a lame thing to say, I'm trying. Sometimes I make him buy apples, they're a safe food.

Any tips? He's not the richest guy in town, and he's primary food intake consists of chocolate and white grains. Why he looks so good??? Ugh, because he's a man. Stupid amazing male metabolism. lol

You know what our normal dinners together are?

Chicken nuggets and ranch dressing.

-_- so good, yet so evil

500 calories of evil

with some sort of snack food accompaniment.

I guess the easiest thing to do would be to stop coming to him hungry. I start out the day so nice, though. I hate to spoil it.


Anyways.... I'm going to go ahead and mention that one of the blogs I subscribe to, Quest for Perfection, by the lovely Kat ~ has now opened an amazing (and I mean amazing) website chock full of information and thinspiration, as well as forums and room for a lot of interactiveness.


So if you haven't already, check it out. It's gorgeous.

I'll end the post with some thinspo.


^ I want to look like that wearing something like that. You know, except without the crazy emo hair and bug-eye glasses. lol - just not my thing.



Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Skinny Cow

Today I feel like even if I lost a lot of weight, I would still be a cow. A skinny cow mind you, but a cow none the less. Still unattractive, still ugly, still unhappy.
It's like... If I'm not biologically meant to be skinny, who am I fooling? I'll end up fat like my ancestral heritage insists I must.
I ate a lot today.
like 500 calories of that was in peanuts. I like peanuts. Thing about small things, though, is that you lose track of them so easily. So I estimated 3 servings. I hope it was less. It said a serving was about one sixteenth of the large bottle. I don't know, I think that's about right. 3 servings at about 160 calories each.
In any case, I'm not a skinny cow today, not a skinny cow tomorrow. Just a cow.
I'm discouraged. My weight has been constant for some time now. I'm not giving up though. Even if my goal is just to be a ...skinny cow.
Ugh it all seems so worthless
But what else IS there?

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Spring Break :-)

Spring Break is here, and I don't know whether or not that bodes well for my weight loss. My friend Danny is telling me how shopping, cigarettes and Red Bull make for rapid weight loss. But I avoid caffeine, have no money, and I don't smoke. So sadly, there's nothing there for me.

I'm under a lot of stress. My dad and I had a fight today.
I HATE fighting with my dad. I mean, for like five minutes in a week he's decent to deal with but when he fights, he's not satisfied until he's made me cry. I'm serious, he won't stop yelling until he makes me cry. He's not convinced that I've gotten anything "through [my] thick skull" unless he's made me cry, which is why when I got a little tougher with age, he hit me. Not hard. Just enough that I would become terrified. This was in fifth through seventh grade. He lightened up on that after that because the school psychologist told my dad I should see a shrink, and I did - and he asked me if my dad hit me. I told him no at first, but later I told him yes. After that he wanted to talk to my dad. After that my dad rarely hit me. Now he hasn't done it in years.

Apparently my school counselor thought I was depressed. I thought it was kind of ridiculous. My boyfriend suggested that too, but only because he knows I walk around in a hazey cloud constantly and love to sleep. Apparently those are signs of depression.

I generally consider depression to be a self-pity sort of thing though. I don't really have a lot of self-pity. I never thought so. Thing is though, maybe the mentality that I have is one of self-blame rather than pity. I attribute all my unfortunate situations to be a result of my organizational shortcomings. It's my fault because I'm lazy, weird, and ugly that I can't get things I want or need.

Anyways...the fight started because I said I might spend the night at my boyfriend's. He didn't like that. He said no. What the hell? What business does he have?? I'm TWENTY freakin' years old!! and what's more he said that he doesn't want me living...get this...the "weekend shack-up life."



firstly, what the hell? He's creepy as hell when he mentions anything the slightest bit sexual. It's always something awkward and disturbing like that.

Anyways, I was REALLY reluctant to go home after that. But partly out of distrust and partly because my mother asked me to, I came home tonight. I want to make it clear to him that my coming home had nothing to do with his vague and growly threat of "You'd BETTER come home tonight." But more than that, I don't want to talk to him.

My financial aid for school is in danger because I can't file the fafsa because my dad won't give me even OLD tax information. He's useless like that. Now it's a week late and I may not be eligible for full financial aid anymore. So if I've been thinking
If I have to get a job
to pay my tuition
I think I'll move in with my boyfriend.
It's got to happen eventually.
and then I'll be able to assimilate into normal society fully aware that my father is fully aware that if it weren't for the fact that he was an idiot who couldn't help his daughter worth of shit that I would still be living at home and not sleeping in the same bed as my thirty year old boyfriend every night.


Anyways, hopefully spring break means more sleeping, reduced appetite, and more exercising. I worked out last night, but couldn't jog in place as much as I would have liked because of some discomfort in my leg. Which is sad. Because I've been rediscovering my old love of running. I really need to try it again. It clears my skin, makes me feel amazing, ups my energy, and lol - best of all - MAKES ME FEEL SKINNY. Even if I eat something bad, I can make myself feel better by running. Really, it's just fuel for the metabolism.

lol, k girls. To make this monster post worthwhile, I'll treat you to some thinspo :-D

^ okay, maybe you've seen this one before. But seriously, that's amazing. I wish I had a body like that, and I know my boyfriend does too.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Thanks :-)

Hey, girls.
I really love this blog, and the people who are reading it. I realize it's keeping me motivated. I've been working out more since I started this blog, and though my weight had plateaued I think it's started moving again. So thank you, your encouragement means everything :-D

I'm really beginning to suspect I've got a social anxiety disorder.
The other day I was at a career fair thing. I managed to stay a little while. I went alone. I talked to...2 people. Then I started to feel overwhelmed.
The place was crowded, I felt so ugly...It was full of skinny grad-students in pants suits and carrying portfolios. There were a couple other people dresses normally. I wasn't a total freak.
I don't know. I went out of curiosity.
I started to feel intimidated and warm. Very warm. So I left. Practically ran. Nearly forgot my coat. I don't think I needed it though, because though the wind-chill outside was in the single digits, if not negative - I was sweating like a hog. A fat, pimply, greasy hog who hadn't brushed her hair in days.
On the bright side, I got a pen, a tote, and sugar free mints just for asking for information. From Target. lol. One of the more relieving things about going there. So many companies will hire you just for having a four year degree. That's a relief. I'd heard that, but never really believed it. I still haven't chosen a major.
And Fish Price is looking for people with Aerospace engineering degrees. Something else I learned. lol - Just thought that was interesting.

Oh, and RayRay, I think I'll take you up on that challenge to make a 50 question survey workout :-D you just wait. Gimme a couple days. We'll see how this turns out.

Now a little thinspo. It's all about the tush.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Stolen from a Xanga blog

Blogger is my real blog...but there are a mess of blogs I subscribe to on Xanga, just because there's sooo many pro-ana blogs on there. I saw a good one today, IWishIWasPretty___x3 posted something completely useful recently.

So go on and check that out. 100+ snacks under 100 calories.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


Technically it's not my birthday anymore. At least not in my time zone. In any case, today was a diet fail. Chinese food and a massive slice of cake made sure of that. I even got those chocolate covered cookie dough balls they sell when I went to see a movie. Coraline. I think my boyfriend ate more than I did, though, so at least there's that. Still, there's a LOT of calories in those little things. 200 per serving. 3 servings in a box.

Is it weird that I gawked at the profoundly skinny legs of a pre-pubescent clay-mation character? I think it is.

I had a TON of energy, though. Fortunately we spent a couple hours wandering around the mall, mostly just window shopping. My beau did buy me a purse that was on clearance at Spencers.

And yesterday my dad gave my mother $100 to take me shopping. We went to Marshall's. I love that store now, I got 2 dresses, rain boots, a thermal pullover, and an amazing fuzzy sweatshirt there, as well as 2 bras and a pair of tights from target. Without going over. It was lovely :-) I wore some of my new clothes today. My legs are so weird, though. The tights don't fit perfectly, they never do (intended for women between 130 and 175 lbs. I'm on the far lower end of that, I swear!). I've always had thick legs. It's mostly my calves. In any case, I was fairly satisfied with the way I look in those dresses. And comfy dresses like I got, they won't get too big when I lose more weight like those jeans I got for Christmas did.

So... A little thinspo

A few girls with skinny legs in dresses.

...I did okay with that, look at those chest-ribs :)