Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Why control is so important...

Fatty foods may cause cocaine-like addiction

Scientists have finally confirmed what the rest of us have suspected for years: Bacon, cheesecake, and other delicious yet fattening foods may be addictive.

A new study in rats suggests that high-fat, high-calorie foods affect the brain in much the same way as cocaine and heroin. When rats consume these foods in great enough quantities, it leads to compulsive eating habits that resemble drug addiction, the study found.

^image is link to blog I found this at first. It's easier to read than the full CNN article, and looks pretty good.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


I just realized that THIS:

was drawn from THIS:

Look at the ribs, the breasts, the shoulder angles and arms. The lines and shape are the same.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Borrowed from a spanish blog

Yes, it's in spanish - but it's pretty clear none the less. The bottom bar includes an hour of exercise, and the cursive on the bottom says "we fight for our bodies"

Monday, March 22, 2010

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


I eat far far too much at night. I don't know why.

I spend the day with my boyfriend, and I do okay. Really, I've learned a sort of balance. I can resist food when he's eating, and only take what I need.

But now the problem is that I eat when I get home.

I had a respectable total last night. Respectable.
Then I got home, and I more than doubled it.

Lots and lots of calories.
And I couldn't sleep.
I tried, but I lay in bed for hours.

and now it's tomorrow, and my stomach is killing me and I'm tired as hell and there's nothing I can do about it.

and I deserve this discomfort. I deserve pain.
and I shouldn't be eating at all.

I need to understand this urge to eat at night.
I suspect it's because of the way my parents make me feel. I suspect it's because I'm coping with my feelings of betrayal, stress, inadequacy, hopelessness and all that with food. So much food.
Not to mention that I feel obligated to have some of the leftovers from dinner when I get home. Guilt? Guilt for always being out with my boyfriend?

I don't understand it. My parents make me feel like trash, but I feel guilty spending so much time away from them.

I have attachment issues, I know.

I I I I .... nevermind

I have to go on with my day feeling like trash in pain.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The audience is dead silent

Just sharing.

Update: skip to 2 minutes

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Thinking about beauty

photo from Everything for thinspo

There are some girls in the world who are just so otherworldly beautiful that normal people are drawn to them. I'm sure you know the kind of person I'm talking about.
They're so beautiful that people behave better around them because they want their approval.
They're so beautiful that people assume flawless character.
They're so beautiful that happily married men would lie face down in the street in a mud puddle if it was raining to let the girl cross, and probably fight for the opportunity.

I've always wanted to be this kind of person. In my head, you know, I am this girl. The truth is that no one ever tells me I'm beautiful. Excluding my boyfriend, but that's complicated.

I guess I know I'm not beautiful. I always dreamed I would find that one man that would really believe I'm the most beautiful woman on earth, but that's a fairy tale, isn't it?
I've got the worst skin, and my nose and chin make me look like the wicked witch. My weight is always up and down. Honestly, I'd probably gain weight if it meant I could have perfect skin. That's just not an option.

Anyway, that was just a thought I had and a beautiful picture to go with it.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Spring is coming!

The way I typically deal with food disasters I see coming is that I start to pace, and drink tons of water. I love water. I like my water room temperature, I drink it fast and I drink more of it. Flushes out some of the garbage I've already consumed and makes me feel like I've done something right.

Even if the count is high for the day.

Ice water is good sometimes, too, though. Slows me down. It really kills cravings.

I didn't count today - but I tried to be good and for the most part I was, except for a few Hershey's kisses and some tater tots that I was blindsided with. Those were probably the biggest damage for the day.

I'm thrilled, though - that Spring is coming. Temperatures are hitting above freezing every day, and it hasn't snowed in days. So the snow is melting and it's pleasant outside again. Spring break is here, so I get to spend some quality time with my pillow.

I told my boyfriend that we should jog together when the weather gets nicer, and his neighborhood is gorgeous and I look forward to this if we actually pull it together.

Either way, I need to work out more.

Thighs shouldn't touch, and my waist should be 25 inches. That's my current goal, by the way; a 25 inch waist.

I leave you with a little 'spo. lol. The dress is kinda cute. I think her left arm is just at a weird angle, but I hope she's not too photoshopped.