Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Found something lovely last night

Robert A. Heinlein on art.
^Open it

I don't remember what I was looking for. Just going through google searching for beauty, I guess.

I don't know. Something about that quote burns me up inside. Breaks my heart.

Now I really want a copy of that statue...you know? It's lovely.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sharing a video

It's a little babbling, really - but she's a recovering anorexic and the message is simple. . . Be kind to yourself. Be tolerant with your family.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Someone died last night

A 14 year old girl died last night
Her name is Andrea
She died in the hospital
She was in recovery
Her mother was in Germany at the time
Her father is dead.
Pretty sure she died of heart failure.

I know all this because she was tweeting at the time. @xAnaismybff

She blacked out, so her doctors knew she was sick again
So they put her in the hospital and told her to gain 38 pounds.
She refused
Ran away
Almost died on the streets from self-inflicted wounds.

They brought her back.
But she died. That night. Last night.

This whole thing is disturbing to me on so many levels.
Not just because a 14 year old girl died...but if that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what would.
What I also find disturbing, is that even though it does break my heart - I'm a little jealous of how thin she got.
She had a bmi of 12.3

I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick.

It makes me so angry that I could even think like that. If I ever doubted that I really am f*cked in the head, I know it now.

And I'm sorry, for making you read those thoughts of mine.
That was a child
and she deserved to live
She deserved to grow up and have a family and be successful at whatever she wanted.

What's more, her friend lost 4 friends to anorexia this year.

and it's only a few days to Christmas.

Let your thoughts be with her family and friends. Especially friends, really. I didn't know this girl at all, but I'm concerned for girls who may be as disordered as she was. Girls she knew from the hospital.

I know this sort of thing happens a lot.
It's still a tragedy
A serious tragedy

I don't even know what it takes to bring someone that far gone to recovery. Is it really just waiting for them to die? How do you make someone want to be well? I don't think you can, but that makes me so angry.

I'm sorry...

I'm gonna go.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Stunning staff 'bad for business'

Sharing an article I happened across online. I guess it's kind of old.

It's not even the study really, but the envy it discusses

The line "How women look is regarded as a central component to how they will fit in with the world" stings with accuracy.

And I, who have been failing horribly lately, feel particularly vulnerable to the pains of envy...

Anyway, image is link. Will open in new tab.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Winter thinspo video

Winter is here.

It's very much here.

And I don't know if I'm happy or sad. It was a long time coming, I must say. It's not abnormal to have snow on Halloween, it was like a month late this year.

I guess I'll probably gain weight. I'm probably gaining daily. This week has been pretty bad. Stress eating? The kind of eating I do when I'm procrastinating but have something stressful upcoming.

Really, the worst is behind me... I just have a paper I haven't started yet due Thursday by midnight. It's not too long (~10), and I'm a pretty good writer - but I've found that being a good writer has little to do with a successful research paper.

I can't gloss over my complete lack of understanding of the subject matter with my writer's voice.

And the citing! I hate the citing.

I hate the research, too.

I also hate the subject matter. It sounded fun. A psychology course about music! Yay!
Graphs, biology, statistics, studies, images of the brain in every method of scanning, theories, disorders - what's more it was a class for people with a background in musical training. I missed like the first 2 weeks of class.

Anyway, enjoy this pretty video.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Facebook are d*cks

Thanks for being so sympathetic to my facebook loss. I didn't expect so much, really. I felt like I was just ranting.

I'm still pretty angry. I did track down a friend I'd been talking to, though, so that's something.

The reply I received:


When a Facebook account is disabled, the profile and all information associated with it are immediately made inaccessible to other Facebook users. Facebook does not use information associated with disabled accounts which means that none of this information will be visible on the site.

Unfortunately, for safety and security reasons, we cannot delete from our servers information associated with disabled accounts. We also cannot grant you access to a disabled account to retrieve content, nor can we provide you with any content that was associated with this account. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. This decision is final and cannot be appealed.

Thanks for your understanding,

User Operations


Anyway, did you know customer service people and debt collectors use false names?

There's no one named "Jill"

In fact, it was probably a man who wrote this email

That probably gets generically sent out to anyone who sends in a complaint
and complaints are extremely difficult to send, because they hide the link that actually leads to any sort of customer service email.
You dig and dig and dig
find it
write it
they send a confirmation email
you write it again
then you get mailed a form letter that says you have no power.


I will have your firstborn babies, disfigure them, and sell them to the freakshow at great profit.


~:| ... :) admittedly writing that made me a little happy. I like dark humor.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sharing a Tumblr blog that's beautiful

Click the image to open the blog in a new tab. It has a loading page - which I think is odd because it's not terribly complicated. Maybe it's for some sort of aesthetic reasoning? Anyway, you may be cautioned if you're doing something else complicated and/or have a fussy computer.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

My Facebook was deleted

Which really pisses me off. It was a private account. I didn't encourage starvation - though for some reason I kept getting added to groups I couldn't leave. I had a ton of friends. They also deleted my blog fan page. :/ Which brought me lots of traffic.

So whoever reported my facebook page

Go cuck a sock.

Yeah. I don't even know how to go about reconstructing what I had.

I've sent facebook an email asking for my fan page back. I'm not going to fuss over the facebook account itself, because I was in fact using a "false name." Nevermind that I lost about 3000 friends. I'm more concerned over the couple hundred fans on my fan page. I really loved that :( I consider that a bigger loss.

I really did try to be careful of who I added, and who could see my profile. For every friend I added I also rejected a creeper.

It's amazing how isolated having your account deleted can make you feel. I went from having this huge support group to there being this...wall... Cut off and rejected. Suddenly, with no warning. I feel like I've been robbed.

One more thing! Who are they to say it was a false name?
Sooo many people have double facebook accounts for work purposes.
Lots of people don't use their real last names on facebook.
You're not even allowed to use a cartoon character in your facebook photo, which is the meme this week, because it's copyrighted material.
Really, getting your facebook deleted is arbitrary and

Well, I'm just pissed. You know that.

Facebook has become something of a social necessity. I mean, my real one is the only way I maintain friendships. I have no money or car or apartment or other way to get in touch with them...

It's actually a bit scary how easily that can be taken away.

Especially considering that there are literally THOUSANDS of false-named girls on facebook.

...I'd like to know what's wrong with seeking understanding from people who think like you do.

Why do people insist they know what's right for us?

And why is "right" mean suffering alone?

Because I know the fact that my name wasn't real isn't the real reason I was deleted. It was just the excuse. Someone had a reason for what they did. Some stupid self-righteous reason... I hope whoever it was gets hit by a truck.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Nutrition info, and a question

The only class I'm doing well in is Nutrition. I could have taken the exams the first day of class and gotten a good grade. And I'm thrilled I'm doing well in at least one course - looking at an A I would say. We had the last lecture in the class on Monday, and the topic was eating disorders. I have a feeling I could do this exam while juggling on a unicycle.

That sounds totally conceited. Oh well.

There's a lab for that class too. The assignment due next week is a write-up having to do with basal metabolic rate. I'm thinking of modifying it a bit and posting it to my blog so you can see the tables and formulas and all that.

Also, apparently being malnurished can lower your BMR - I expected fasting to do so, but this was listed separately. So that's a pretty good reason to take your vitamins and try to get things when you can.

Oh, and in my lecture my professor mentioned youths who had chronic illnesses being at higher risk for eating disorders. She mentioned diabetes as an example, because it's an issue that requires watching your diet. Which is weird. I knew the other risk factors she listed - things like having been abused, having critical parents, high family expectations. I think the chronic illnesses note was anecdotal, because she used to work at a hospital and she mentioned seeing a lot of it.

I'm very curious if any of you can relate to having had a "chronic illness" as a child?