Someone died last night

A 14 year old girl died last night
Her name is Andrea
She died in the hospital
She was in recovery
Her mother was in Germany at the time
Her father is dead.
Pretty sure she died of heart failure.

I know all this because she was tweeting at the time. @xAnaismybff

She blacked out, so her doctors knew she was sick again
So they put her in the hospital and told her to gain 38 pounds.
She refused
Ran away
Almost died on the streets from self-inflicted wounds.

They brought her back.
But she died. That night. Last night.

This whole thing is disturbing to me on so many levels.
Not just because a 14 year old girl died...but if that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what would.
What I also find disturbing, is that even though it does break my heart - I'm a little jealous of how thin she got.
She had a bmi of 12.3

I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick.

It makes me so angry that I could even think like that. If I ever doubted that I really am f*cked in the head, I know it now.

And I'm sorry, for making you read those thoughts of mine.
That was a child
and she deserved to live
She deserved to grow up and have a family and be successful at whatever she wanted.

What's more, her friend lost 4 friends to anorexia this year.

and it's only a few days to Christmas.

Let your thoughts be with her family and friends. Especially friends, really. I didn't know this girl at all, but I'm concerned for girls who may be as disordered as she was. Girls she knew from the hospital.

I know this sort of thing happens a lot.
It's still a tragedy
A serious tragedy

I don't even know what it takes to bring someone that far gone to recovery. Is it really just waiting for them to die? How do you make someone want to be well? I don't think you can, but that makes me so angry.

I'm sorry...

I'm gonna go.

Greif for Michael... an explanation for my apathy.

Sorry it's been a long time since my last post. I'm pretty much a wreck over Michael... He was seriously really important to me. His words were like a hug, when I had no one else. He was the most important person I never met. I can't understand how the world can keep turning without him. It's sincerely devastating.

I'm actually pretty surprised how well I seem to be taking it. I keep trying not to think about it - it's so weird. I think the collective good in the world has gone down.

I don't know if there are many Michael fans among my ana friends.

His strength was such an inspiration to me. He put up with so much bullshit. Over his skin, over those extortionist assholes trying to ruin him, over every little thing that happened when he walked out of his house. No wonder he was such a recluse.

He was the most famous person who ever lived. EVERYONE has an opinion. I could go on forever explaining every which way he's been abused throughout his life by the public, desperate for a glimpse into his personal life. I almost can't help it anymore, I always expect to have to defend him.

I'm going to go ahead and assume my readers are classy enough not to be cruel.

I don't know how to handle myself. It seems like when I try not to think about the fact that he's gone, I can be okay. Still, the world seems so empty now. I feel so alone.

There's nothing but Michael on my iPod right now. I have invincible, History, Blood on the Dance Floor, Bad, Thriller, Off The Wall, some songs from the box set, a Jackson's album what's name I can't remember, and a motown CD for some anniversary or another with some of little MJ's hits. Am I forgetting anything? I'm just bragging now.

I discovered him seven years ago, he's been my hero ever since.

Okay. I'm gonna get offline now... Sorry... I can't keep up with blogs lately. I'll try to catch up in a couple days.