I had an ED related dream wherein I was looking through my bag and found a bunch of half-eaten Krispy Kremes. I don't understand why... I don't eat those. They're the absolute epitome of empty calories and even a glutton like me knows to avoid them, but people were praising me and telling me how thin I looked. Anas, Mias. Things were odd and spacey. For some reason Miley Cyrus was there? Giving me a critical look.

I've been feeling like a fat failure lately.
I haven't lost weight in ages.
Only two pounds to my next goal and I can't reach it. It's so hard. Two more pounds, and I'll have lost 20lbs since that nightmarish day when I stepped on the scale and saw that I was re-becoming the cow I was in middle school.

I haven't gotten metamucil. I've had lots of fiber from other sources, though. I'm out of money now. I'll have to wait a few days.

I just feel so awkward. I'm reverting again. Reverting to a childlike stage of helplessness. Where I avoid responsibility and misbehave pretending I don't know any better.

A state of mind I get so often, where I hide behind anything because I feel incompetent and resultantly get absolutely nothing done.

I thought today would be a reasonable day. But my boyfriend bought oreos. I thought I'd only have one...but they were so good. So fresh. I had six. 320 empty calories added to a good day. This almost doubled the intake I've had today.

I'm also a failure at blogging.

I'm obsessed with my blog, but I fail

I stalk myself via google analytics. I don't necessarily recommend it. It might consume someone with perfectionist tendencies. The idea that improvement should come. My blog seems to weirdly parallel my personal progress. Not too impressive, but all slow progress is still measurable progress.

Therefor I have determined that greater dedication to my weightloss requires greater dedication to my blog. But given how stressful my life has been lately, I anticipate that it might not be entirely possible just now.

I don't know where to go from here.

I need some encouragement and motivation.

I can be this ( so mean..but so..possible )
..
..

Or this.


^ editted this last pic. Was dissatisfied with that last one.

No Diet Pills for Me, Thanks

Hey girls :)

I was on reddit and came across and article titled: "Why spend money on expensive diet drugs when this will fill you up and keep you from eating just as effectively? "

Personally, I'm terrified of diet pills. I mentioned in a previous entry that I have an aversion to caffeine. It doesn't sit well with me. It makes my heart race and I actually get scared for my well-being. The main purpose of caffeine in diet pills is that it speeds up the metabolism, helps compensate for the energy you're not getting from food, and acts as a diuretic. That's all well and good, but I think that things that speed up your metabolism just make you hungrier and I don't want to lose water-weight, I want to lose real weight.

Anyways, getting to the point



The article suggests "chugging Metamucil" [ link ]

"One little-known secret to weight loss, which is rarely discussed on the Internet, has to do with chugging Metamucil, and in particular, sugar-free Metamucil. Metamucil is nothing more than non-soluble fiber. It will fill you up but provide little actual nutrition. What's more, the sugar-free variety has only 5 calories per serving, yet makes you feel as if you just ate a whole meal!"

...


"It is not necessary to purchase name-brand Metamucil. The store brand or off-brand works just as well, and are the exact same quality on a general basis. However, the "clear" versions, such as Benefiber, are not effective for the diet since it does not bulk up."

I haven't tried this, but I'm definitely intrigued.

I may have to get some from the campus store this week!

...

I feel a bit guilty not having written yesterday. I was so distracted by adult swim games.
I may have to post a list of games ... you know ... as a distraction to food...not...an...addiction or anything >_>

...

lol, k :)