Fat Porn, Star Trek, Calories and Caffeine

My boyfriend downloaded some fat porn.
Kind of an oddity thing. Curiosity. Novelty.
We watched it while we were eating.

...

Girls, there is no better anti-thinspo. Usually that stuff just doesn't work on me, but to see that in action.....a 250lb woman, flapping sloppily on top of some creepy looking dude... The sound effects, the multiple areas of folds and jiggles slapping against one another. Even her face was jiggling. Tits down to her naval, or where it would have been were it not a mile beneath a flap of lard.

I felt sick.

He kept eating, he's got a hell of a strong stomach for disturbing things like that. I can't even comprehend it.

If you're the type of girl who can't help but finish a meal...one minute of watching a film like this and having such an image burned into your head will cure that ailment. I know I'm not that fat, I know I'll probably never be that fat...but at the same time, to think that any part of me jiggles like she does....is revolting.

Had to turn that movie off, of course. Went back to watching Star Trek with my nerdy boyfriend.

By the way : Perfect thinspo :



....

Been thinking about the whole bitchy email situation. I know I said I wouldn't mention it, but I'm feeling better now. I now see that for what it was...a bitchy email... It all happened so quickly, too, though I don't know where things are going on the forum. I don't honestly care to.

I was also severely lacking in sleep, so I was a bit on edge. I over-reacted.

I'm feeling very peaceful right now, though. Looking forward to a nice long nights sleep tonight, no class until the afternoon tomorrow.

It occurred to me that she might have called me "racist" because she might think I'm Hispanic because I go by "Ana Hambre" ...... Let's not even get into the implications of that. Pero yo creo que nos podemos comprendarlo.

....

Anyways, I haven't been doing well calorie-wise, though I haven't eaten a thing since I watched that terrible video... I ate an absolute ton this morning thinking it would keep me from eating later. It's supposedly healthier to make breakfast your largest meal of the day. I think I need to get the amount right......It was a lot.

Plus I had caffeine today. I wasn't thinking clearly, generally I avoid it. But I had a caffeine pill (100mg caffeine) and then a Rockstar energy drink a couple hours later (180mg). It didn't make me hyper like I'd have wanted. It didn't even make me feel alert. I was so stuffed with food, and then with a calorie-ridden energy drink, all I did was shake and feel ill. I was actually kind of scared of it all. I hate caffeine. I was hoping to speed up my metabolism to help get that junk out of me, but I ended up thoroughly unhappy this evening.

I do have caffeine on occasion. I took it when I was zoned out and going to see old friends, things worked out okay. and I'll usually have an energy drink before an exam I fear I might not be clear enough for. To keep me from zoning out. But I've learned 280 mg is far too much for me to handle. That sick feeling lasted for hours, even now I feel dizzy-ish standing up. I can only think it would be the caffeine.

On the bright side, I stepped on the scale the other day and I'm the lowest I've been...ever! At least at my adult height...I recorded it on weight chart so I hope it lasts. :-) I think I might be a tad dehydrated, though. So I must start guzzling water soon. lol. I think it's safe to blame the caffeine for that.

K. Off to tend to my health and comment on your blogs :)