Sunday, March 8, 2009

Spring Break :-)

Spring Break is here, and I don't know whether or not that bodes well for my weight loss. My friend Danny is telling me how shopping, cigarettes and Red Bull make for rapid weight loss. But I avoid caffeine, have no money, and I don't smoke. So sadly, there's nothing there for me.

I'm under a lot of stress. My dad and I had a fight today.
I HATE fighting with my dad. I mean, for like five minutes in a week he's decent to deal with but when he fights, he's not satisfied until he's made me cry. I'm serious, he won't stop yelling until he makes me cry. He's not convinced that I've gotten anything "through [my] thick skull" unless he's made me cry, which is why when I got a little tougher with age, he hit me. Not hard. Just enough that I would become terrified. This was in fifth through seventh grade. He lightened up on that after that because the school psychologist told my dad I should see a shrink, and I did - and he asked me if my dad hit me. I told him no at first, but later I told him yes. After that he wanted to talk to my dad. After that my dad rarely hit me. Now he hasn't done it in years.

Apparently my school counselor thought I was depressed. I thought it was kind of ridiculous. My boyfriend suggested that too, but only because he knows I walk around in a hazey cloud constantly and love to sleep. Apparently those are signs of depression.

I generally consider depression to be a self-pity sort of thing though. I don't really have a lot of self-pity. I never thought so. Thing is though, maybe the mentality that I have is one of self-blame rather than pity. I attribute all my unfortunate situations to be a result of my organizational shortcomings. It's my fault because I'm lazy, weird, and ugly that I can't get things I want or need.

Anyways...the fight started because I said I might spend the night at my boyfriend's. He didn't like that. He said no. What the hell? What business does he have?? I'm TWENTY freakin' years old!! and what's more he said that he doesn't want me living...get this...the "weekend shack-up life."



firstly, what the hell? He's creepy as hell when he mentions anything the slightest bit sexual. It's always something awkward and disturbing like that.

Anyways, I was REALLY reluctant to go home after that. But partly out of distrust and partly because my mother asked me to, I came home tonight. I want to make it clear to him that my coming home had nothing to do with his vague and growly threat of "You'd BETTER come home tonight." But more than that, I don't want to talk to him.

My financial aid for school is in danger because I can't file the fafsa because my dad won't give me even OLD tax information. He's useless like that. Now it's a week late and I may not be eligible for full financial aid anymore. So if I've been thinking
If I have to get a job
to pay my tuition
I think I'll move in with my boyfriend.
It's got to happen eventually.
and then I'll be able to assimilate into normal society fully aware that my father is fully aware that if it weren't for the fact that he was an idiot who couldn't help his daughter worth of shit that I would still be living at home and not sleeping in the same bed as my thirty year old boyfriend every night.


Anyways, hopefully spring break means more sleeping, reduced appetite, and more exercising. I worked out last night, but couldn't jog in place as much as I would have liked because of some discomfort in my leg. Which is sad. Because I've been rediscovering my old love of running. I really need to try it again. It clears my skin, makes me feel amazing, ups my energy, and lol - best of all - MAKES ME FEEL SKINNY. Even if I eat something bad, I can make myself feel better by running. Really, it's just fuel for the metabolism.

lol, k girls. To make this monster post worthwhile, I'll treat you to some thinspo :-D

^ okay, maybe you've seen this one before. But seriously, that's amazing. I wish I had a body like that, and I know my boyfriend does too.


  1. first off... awesome thinspo. I'm so jealous of that girl's perfect body (who is that thin but has great boobs!?), and I *want* those boots! ha.

    I totally LOL'd at your cigs, shopping, and redbull comment. Totally describes my situation. I just have never understood caffeine, and only smoke when I'm VERY drunk (which I'm trying to give up!), and can't rub two pennies together... hooray for being a poor college student.

    I hope things get worked out with your FAFSA! I'm sure something can be done, maybe go talk to financial aid and let them know you haven't been able to get these docs?

    I'm dreading Spring Break, so I hope yours goes well. Spring Break for me means Paula Deen (aka my mother) always has the best binge food and I ruin her life if I don't eat like her oversized portions, and my friends want to binge drink at our sad hipster bar every night. Haha.

    Anyway, good luck!!!!

  2. whoah whoah whoah
    your dad seems like he deserves the asshole of the year award.
    id totally kick him in the balls.
    tell him that your a grown ass woman and you dont need to take shit from him.

    and thanx loads for the thinspo haha
    god i wold give my life to look like that girl.
    i mean, usually when i get thin, my boobs get a little saller too which sucks...
    maybe she has implants?
    god i cant get over that one.

    and i love the last girls outfit.
    shes so thin!!!
    im envious =]

    hope your well

    XOXO Sophia Ruins <3

  3. Don't you just HATE it when parents still treat you like a child when you're 20? Its just so... I have no words to finish that sentence.

    Good luck with FAFSA. And I hope you'll be able to move in with the boyfriend!

    And thank you for your comments on my blog. It means the world to me.

  4. hey girlie.
    took the time to read that post.
    thanks for your comments on my blog.
    they really do mean a lot.
    love the blog!
    omg and that picture!