Today I feel like even if I lost a lot of weight, I would still be a cow. A skinny cow mind you, but a cow none the less. Still unattractive, still ugly, still unhappy.
It's like... If I'm not biologically meant to be skinny, who am I fooling? I'll end up fat like my ancestral heritage insists I must.
I ate a lot today.
like 500 calories of that was in peanuts. I like peanuts. Thing about small things, though, is that you lose track of them so easily. So I estimated 3 servings. I hope it was less. It said a serving was about one sixteenth of the large bottle. I don't know, I think that's about right. 3 servings at about 160 calories each.
In any case, I'm not a skinny cow today, not a skinny cow tomorrow. Just a cow.
I'm discouraged. My weight has been constant for some time now. I'm not giving up though. Even if my goal is just to be a ...skinny cow.
Ugh it all seems so worthless
But what else IS there?
*sigh* I know what you mean. Today, after doing moderately well on my calories... I BAKED CUPCAKES!? wtf. While I was beating eggs like a 1950s homemaker, I start thinking "even if I reach my goals and become a twig, I'll just be a fat girl trapped in a skinny girl's body."
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are discouraged. Plateaus are not fun! But hopefully your metabolism will kick up soon and push you out of the slump ;)
Loving you, Ana. Thank you so much for your lovely (and encouraging) comments. You're fantastic.
ReplyDeletePS-- Is it weird that I think its TOTALLY okay for people to look as bony as that cow, but TOTALLY NOT okay for a cow to look that bony? I think I like animals more than people.
Stay strong. It'll all come together. Don't lose sight and don't lose hope. You'll start losing soon enough. Happy thoughts! They say exercise is the best anti-depressant... X
ReplyDeleteomg i worry about the same thing like 24/7.
ReplyDeletei have this awful fear that im just 'big boned' or something and ill be all wide and large but with no fat and it scares me haha
but i geuss well find out once we get there lol
stay strong!
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
I'm a sucker for walnuts, almonds, and pecans >:[
ReplyDeleteAt least it isn't greasy, oily food!