Monday, July 27, 2009

Got some shocking news about an old friend.

I'm going to start out with a description of my childhood friend. Someone I've know since the third grade. He was always skinny. But a really nice kid... In the fourth grade he didn't come to school with me anymore because they put him in special classes at another school. Again, I don't know why. As far as I know the only thing wrong with him, and I learned this later, was that he had ADHD.

I remember we would talk for a long time outside my house in the winter, because he was a latchkey kid and would rather spend time in the freezing cold talking to a friend than be in the house alone. I don't remember what we talked about anymore. I think he talked about girls a lot. I probably talked about boys. These discussions were in middle school, if I remember correctly. He suddenly came back to school in the seventh grade. I was happy ^_^ In the summer we'd go for walks with other neighborhood friends, and everyone liked him. He was too sweet not to like. He was flirty too. Just part of his personality I guess. He even kissed my cheek once in the seventh grade. That was kind of a big deal, even though I never considered dating him. Nevermind that he was a flirt, probably half my weight at the time, and I never really thought he was serious with his flirting, but I wasn't ready for a boyfriend back then. Plus, my dad would have freaked out. He didn't care much for this friend because he was black. My dad can be a little... anyways, it was always awkward to have to defend my friend to my dad. but my dad is really irrelevant here.

In school, he'd talk to me and sit with me at lunch sometimes. His friends thought I was weird, but he defended me and said I was cool. :) He was a really good friend. We hung out a little on the class trip in the eighth grade - those are the only photos I have of him.

I know what you're thinking by now. You're thinking I found out he's dead or something. No... He's not dead. He's in prison for the next five years.

I wondered about him and I searched his name on google not too long ago, and found a news article dating back to february, stating that he pleaded guilty to molesting two little girls, age 8 and 10. and yes, it was him. The age was right and he has a unique name, and it was in a local newspaper.

Technically they might not have been cousins. My friend called many people his cousin... Basically every friend of the family was a cousin, and his family had tons of friends from church and things like that.

My brain can't even wrap itself around this. I don't think he's a pedophile... If anything it was a crime of convenience. but that doesn't excuse it, and it doesn't really make it much easier to believe.

Posting about my weight seems really stupid and meaningless so I won't bother.
The depth with which this news hit me was profound. It's definitely one of the most disturbing things I've heard.

And to think that one of my closest childhood friends is sitting in prison labeled a child molester is scary and sickening and confusing and conflicting... I can't help but feel awful for him, both scared for him and angry that he fucked up his entire life, and probably the lives of those young girls. I don't know the situation. I can't picture him raping anyone. He was never aggressive. I don't understand what happened. I want to, but I might never see him again.

I just don't know how to feel right now. I've heard what they do to child molesters in prison. and even if they didn't hurt him or something like that, what if prison hardens him? I've never felt sorry for anyone who's hurt a child before....

Some of you probably have no sympathy for him. I understand... I'm extremely conflicted myself. But how do you hate someone you've cared about for more than a decade?

I really want to talk to someone that knew him, at least back in middle school. But I don't know anyone close enough to me, except maybe one friend. But this one friend was raped when she was eight, so I don't want to tell her about this because she might find it even more disturbing than I do.


  1. omg, i'm so sorry! i can't imagine how you must be feeling. all i can say is... sometimes good people do bad things.

    a similar thing happened to my aunt a few years ago. a 10 year old girl was found sexually assaulted and murdered - it was a high profile case. when we found out that my aunt's ex-husband was a suspect in the case, we thought for sure they had to be wrong. we had liked him. when i was a kid and he and my aunt were still married, my sister and i used to love hanging out with him. he was fun, and sweet.

    well, DNA tests confirmed that he had been in contact with the victim, and eventually he pleaded guilty. he is now serving a life sentence. my aunt was devastated. she had divorced him a few years before, but she didn't hate him, and there was no way she, or anyone else, would have expected him to do such a terrible thing.

    whatever happened to make your friend into the person he is now... i don't know. i hope you can forgive him. its okay to grieve for him, and for his victims.

    hugs to you xox

  2. you know, i can understand how youd be conflicted
    and i totally agree with you that he messed up his life and the lives of two little girls.. and being the way he was, im sure he is still a good person. and im sure his heart may be good.
    i do find it disturbing and sick and it deeply deeply saddens me.

    but if you read up on adhd, a lot of them have high compulsive rates. where they cant help what they are doing because its a compulsion, they are compulsed to do it. (like ocd.. adhd and ocd go hand in hand a lot of times). and being as he talked a lot about girls, that must be an obsession. sick that it is little girls, yes. is he a pedophile? yes. could he have stopped himself? i highly doubt it. it was programmed in his brain. it almost was not his fault.

    i hope you find some sense of closure with this situation.

  3. This is so weird that I came across your blog and happened upon this specific one..

    My husband is serving 5 years in prison - not on any sexual charges, but.. well.. We don't have to talk about why he is there. I am just bringing it up because I want you to know that I sympathize for your situation.

    Have you considered writing your old friend? Would you be concerned about doing so? Would you not know what to say to him? Etc etc etc. I don't mean to give you any hope, but how sure are you that he is guilty? Not that he is innocent - only he knows that - but one of my brothers plead to a child molestation charge that he was not guilty of because he is a complete dumbass (if you want to know the whole story, I'll tell you..) and my cousin is sitting in jail right now awaiting court on pending charges of rape and sodomy that he is absolutely innocent of.

    I'm not naive or stupid.. I just know that there are a lot of innocent people in prison. A lot of guilty people, but a lot of innocent people as well.

    I don't mean to give false hope.. Or to confuse you.. I understand how upsetting this is for you.