Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Things I hate about my body

There is so much wrong with my body, and I'm going to start with the things that have nothing to do with how fat I am.

My skin. It's by far the worst problem. Scarred, acne, greasy, uneven. It's not as bad as it used to be, but when I break out, I break out like no one else does. Sometimes it's even painful. I'll have a dozen or more at a time. Fat red ones, on fair skin. It's hideous. It's disgusting.
Sometimes I feel like I'm wearing a mask, and that if I tried, I could just peel it off and look the way I did when I was ten. It's a nightmare.

My face. In general. My nose is too big, I get bags under my eyes, and my angles are all wrong. Don't get me wrong, there are things I like too. I'm fairly symmetrical, I have big green eyes - sometimes I like my lips, or at least I've never had a problem with them. But the angles. I look wrong in almost every light. I'm ugly. I don't photograph well, unless I'm whited out. Sometimes when I see pictures of myself I get lost in staring at them, trying to connect what I see with how I feel. It's kind of like that scene in "the eye."

How thick my legs are. They're chunky, they always have been. My jeans are bigger than my dress size, by like a lot. I'm not sure, but I don't think that's normal.

My breasts. This is a major one. They're down-right flappy. I realize this is a natural side-effect of losing weight, but I hate this. I'm afraid of on-top sex positions. I don't want to disgust my boyfriend, or myself.

It's like...I'm never going to be pretty. Never. I know that. I can't say as I accept it completely, but at the very least, at the VERY least...I want to be thinner than the pretty girls.

Areas to work on...

Love handles
arm flab
imperfect ass
thighs. omg. my thighs.
my hips

My self-esteem is very low today, but I exercised yesterday. It's been a long time since I've formally exercised. I was very proud of myself. Then I binged today on snack foods. That's okay... Today serves as motivation. Today I'm more motivated than I've been in a long time. I'll start doing my ab routine again (I may post it soon), and jogging in place for at least 20 minutes beforehand. Plus everything else I've been doing.

Tonight the plan is to drink a ton of water.

Okay. Here's some thinspo.

You can do it girls. So can I.


  1. sweetie, i'm sure you're not ugly! but those days when everything about you seems wrong are terrible :(

    have you seen a doctor about your skin problems?

  2. skin probs r the worst ;[ i use to cry about those all the time.. dont worri babe it takes time.. hugs..

  3. nice pics! and you arent ugly. Sometimes there are stupid things standing in the way of a person being able to show their full skin issues or a little extra bulge or even a bad nose...but hey, everything is fixable in this day and age! I know it doesn't seem that way now, but all people have chameleon potential..its just about taking the necessary steps!
    hope this helps and doesn't make it worse :)- you got it girl

  4. Don't worry, I do the same thing when food is on my plate. I don't like to waste, and if it's on my plate, I eat it. A terrible habit but it's what I do...

    I've got facial issues as well. I feel like the ride side of my face (the profile) is hideous, and my left side is so-so. I've also got chilblains, and it turns my nose and cheeks a very unsightly pink.

    But I am envious of your green eyes.