I know, it's been forever

It's been over a month since I've blogged. I'm really surprised, Google analytics tells me my visitors went up in the time I was gone. I wonder why?

I'm sorry it's been so long. I never intended to go a whole month, I didn't think I would. I still feel like I don't have a right to be blogging.

Considering how much I've been eating, I haven't gained much in the past few monthes. Six pounds really isn't a lot. I mean...it's still too much. My boyfriend says he can't notice. But my sides are flabby, my belly is bigger, and my thighs fill my pants too much and rub together when I walk, and it all just makes me feel sooo untouchably repulsive. I really don't deserve 111 followers. You girls are so far above me.

Plus I'm breaking out like crazy and I'm overtired...I just feel miserable.

I stand by my decision to stop counting. Sometimes I still do, but only for meals that seem too big. I more or less know what's safe to eat. I'm not fooled by the salad myth, or granola...I don't overlook dressings. I tried to give up artificial sweeteners. I think that experiment is about over, because I'm waaay oversugarred, and who needs an extra 300 calories in their day?? It's so stupid and awful.

I went away for the weekend and actually ended up gaining a little more. Which is insane, isn't it? I guess that's what happens when you spend a total of 12 hours in a car and two days in meetings or a hotel room. It's my own damn fault though. All that vegan rabbit-food, and I can't get off the flipping mini muffins.

And another confession... I've been saying I need to get to the gym for months now, haven't I? I actually just went yesterday. I've tried getting more exercise at home, exercise is probably the reason I've only gained six pounds...but WOW that day at the gym felt amazing. Holy yeah. I'm not nearly as sore today as I thought I would be either. but yeah, the ellipticals at the gym at my university have cable on them. I watched an entire episode of something engrossing on showtime.

I'm upset though, because I really wanted to be 120 at Halloween.... not 136. 120 wasn't a lofty goal from where I was. Not at all. 16 pounds in a little over 2 days, though? :/ no way in hell.

Anyways, girls...

For now, this little bit of motivation will have to do. Happy Halloween!