Hey beauties. Motivation is something that's been on my mind a lot lately. Mostly due to the start of the new school year, and because of my New Years Resolutions. I've got a lot on my mind. I really want to do well, and though my last semester was a total nightmare in terms of stress, both financial and academic, it turned out okay. Though the financial concerns were out of my control, things still worked out; but academically things worked out spectacularly well for me. Much better than I expected, and that's due to how hard I worked and how much motivation I felt. It's still part of me though. Idle time freaks me out, I feel like something is slipping past me and that total doom and destruction is just on the horizon o_0.
Self Motivation has always been a problem for me. I never really had the gift others seemed to have in terms of making themselves do homework, or plan ahead, or sign up for extra curriculars, or get jobs, or even more staggeringly impressive- starting a large scale project themselves. All through high school I felt like nothing I did could amount to anything, even if I tried. I don't know if I had a fear of failure, or just fear of effort.
Once when I was a kid, probably middle school, I had a dream that I was being chased by an angry mob. They followed me into a room, and I hid behind a chair, but I was cornered. Then I stood up to face them, terrified. Then they started to dance with me, and it was really fun. Then they left me alone. And I thought... "well that was easy."
That's pretty much what happened to me this past semester. I was being chased by all these terrible consequences, and then I rose to the challenge - and things felt fantastic. Things worked out. I'm not in debt. I don't have to consider taking a semester off to try to get work.
Point is, a little motivation saves you a lot of work later. Just doing something you don't want to do today can help save a LOT of stress, pain, and tears later. These are things I knew on a shallow level before, but hadn't really taken in until this was upon me.
You don't have to be a motivated person to motivate yourself.
Motivation requires little more than moving your feet someplace where you can work. It's just simple locomotion. The torture of a little work is better than sitting idly around, fearful of the work, guilty and stressed over the fact that you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing.
Motivation is also the measure of what you think you deserve. That's part of the reason I really liked that thinspo I posted in This Post. That's essentially what I mean. That one made me feel powerful. It's not even that it completely relates to weight loss. It just strikes a cord with what I've been dealing with.
Though, in regards to my weight loss, I'm actually starting to lose weight again. The best time for me to really start something is about midway through my period. That's when I lose my appetite, and I can get the momentum I need.
I'm still not counting calories. Things are slower that way. I like it better, though. I can think in terms of quality more than quantity, and I think that's better in the long run. I know more or less what's safe and what's bat shit insane, but at the same time I can opt for something I know is healthy even if it might not be the best calorie choice. It's healthier. Slower, but at least I'm not suffering.
I know, that's not Ana's way. I'm a little less masochistic these days. Having something important to me that requires a lot of attention is really making me feel like I should take care of myself. The past couple weeks, my motto has really been:
“It doesn't matter how slowly you go-so long as you do not stop.”-Confucius.
And I won't. I'm powerful. I value myself. I will do well in school. I will beat my low weight.
And I'll continue writing motivational quotes on sticky notes and sticking them in my agenda book :) lol
Most of this wasn't necessarily intended for skinny motivation, but it could apply. It's just something I really wanted to share with you girls. I love you all :)
I leave you with a picture I think is a spectacular piece of thinspo. I think Ive said this before, it's worth it to get a xanga just to sign up for that blog's updates. (pic is a link)
Girls, be good to yourselves!