A tale of failure.

My waist is 27 inches.

I haven't been willing to step on the scale again, yet. I've been too scared. With almost a full 2 inches to my waistline, who could blame me?

I must seem so stupid and lacking in self control. I guess I always have been. Pretty disgusting, really.

I've been eating a lot at night. Have I said that before? I'm doing it again. Worse than ever, during break. I think the lack of order in my life is really throwing me off.

The other day I got to walk around for hours and hours with my friend and my boyfriend's friend's family. Quite a day, I was completely wiped out afterwards. It was gorgeous and sunny and I took one hell of a nap the next day. I must have burned hundreds of calories, I'm happy to say. Though again, I ruined it the next day.

I also think I eat a lot the day after I take a sleeping pill, n a semi-related note. Like I'm trying to fuel myself, when the damn pill doesn't wear off completely for like 18 hours. For me at least. I have low tolerances for even over-the-counter pharmaceuticals because I very rarely take them.

Small update

Happy St. Patrick's day! :]

I tried some Green Tea pills. They did awful things to my stomach.

I read up some side-effects of fat-blockers, and they made sense - however, these pills weren't marketed as fat blockers, and were fairly cheap. It worries me a bit. I suspect they might have had some odd reaction with the fish oil I take.

I also wonder if maybe there was something wrong with the supplements? but that's paranoid.

Anyway. It ruined a chunk of my spring break. Feeling better, now - not back to 100% yet.

Today should also be exciting :] lots of walking around, even though I won't be likely to get any "party"-like things done. Bah. I probably never will. A few days ago, my friend and I wandered around aimlessly down town to find everything was closed. Mark of inexperience, I guess.

Have a lucky day! :P

Cognitive Dissonance

The other day my beau and I were wandering through a grocery store looking at magazine covers. There was a car magazine or something with a girl in a bikini somewhat randomly shopped into the corner.

I say to my beau "I think she's bigger than me."

It took me a good 30 seconds to realize that I meant that as an insult to the girl on the magazine cover.

This seems insufficient to leave this explanation in it's entirety to the title of this post, but I'm not sure how else to describe this feeling.

Why is she considered beautiful, even though she's bigger than me?

There are explanations, most of them have to do with my perhaps being ugly or less busty or crazy... but the conflict in my mind is still there. Size is extremely important to me, even if I know it's not the same (or at least to the same degree) for other people.

RX strength reverse thinspo

The kind of reverse thinspo only Jerry Springer can deliver. :] lol

But seriously. It's quite disgusting.

Just a video to get you through the day

Also, Today is my 22nd birthday.

I'm quite old, now.

I asked my mother not to make me a cake... It's for other reasons, actually... but hey.