bmi celebrity comparison calculator chart thing.

Some of the celebrity measurements seem off to me

http://www.supernifty.com.au/bmi.php

but give it a shot, it's interesting. :)

Things are going okay?

My efforts to cut down on my aspartame are going well. I'm also increasing my weight-loss efforts because I want to lose a few pounds by Saturday. I know how ridiculous that sounds, a failure like me. I guess having a deadline helps, because that's going well too.

Though I'm bloated and my weight is all over the place anyway - point is, I'm feeling in control.

So for cutting down on aspartame - I'm trying to get my caffeine from coffee and when I just want something with flavor, I go for a slenderize Fuze drink, which is only 5-15 calories per serving depending on the flavor. As for coffee, I really only like the sugary chocolate abominations, but I also learned something.

When you drink sugary pops and coffees, you crave fewer carbs.

So one sugary coffee drink could save me a bigger mistake later.

I also have caffeine pills, but the dose is really high (200mg) and I should save those for when I really need them.

By the way, yesterday was my last day of classes for the semester.

My entire academic life is wrapped up in the next couple weeks.

A paper due friday

Followed by two exams next week.

Then? Done. Fin.

I do need to study, for both of these classes. I have a lot of work to do on that paper.

I'm going to go to the gym this week, though, I'm determined. No excuses, it won't be crowded. I never use the gym - and the thing is, it's a really nice gym. Clean, big, bright - nice equipment. A major university facility I have at my disposal and don't use. Shame shame on me.

Oh, damnit.

I jokingly asked someone to hit me in the arm and rolled up my sleeve.

He was carrying a stick and it looked like a weapon, I know him enough to joke like that - though not very well.

Marks. A rash or something, actually. Now I think spider bites :/ which is creepy.

Apparently it looks like cigarette burns so now he thinks I'm a masochist.

Given the context... hrm. Damnit.

Embarrassing.

One thing I need to work on is how spazzy I act when I'm embarrassed. Sometimes I talk to myself, sometimes I hyperactively try to be cute or some nonsense. Whatever I do, it just makes me look more unbalanced.

I owe you guys a thinspo post, in a day or two I'll make one.

Oh, diet pop...

Trying to quit diet pop cold turkey? Oh, you'll get constipated.

I know, tmi.

Aspartame is a mild laxative, and if you drink diet pop every day - you've essentially got a laxative dependency.

So ... I'm changing my game plan. I've been trying to quit - and now I'm going to do it more as a weaning process.

Cans instead of bottles, maybe every other day instead of everyday.

I thought I'd be fine if I stayed on caffeine. I guess I was wrong.

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Oh, today I saw this gorgeous girl. Skinny tiny asian girl, wearing shorts that were...frankly kind of skanky, but I'd probably do the same thing if my legs were as small as hers were.

Seriously, her legs were so small. Thinspo-small.

Arg, it was painful thinspo though. Because my boyfriend was right there with me.

He behaved himself. He noticed her of course, but he didn't say anything overtly stupid. He avoided staring. I guess I was proud.

I mentioned to him later that I thought she looked underweight. He disagreed. I accused him of using wishful thinking.

She had a figure like this girl:

What do you think?

I'm going to obsessing over this for days, I know it.
Maybe that's a good thing

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Anyway, the niece and nephew are gone now, so I can get back to reality. I have an exam tomorrow I'm completely unprepared for...

My boyfriend and I have plans to go to the mall.

It's easy to burn calories at the mall, too - which is nice.

:/ I guess I should go to bed.

it becomes FAT

I failed again tonight.

I failed again tonight, and all I can think of is how hard it's going to be to sleep.

It's already after 4:30 in the morning. I have to be awake at 8 if I want a shot at making the last biopsychology class before an exam. Wow, seriously - I know nothing about biopsychology.

It's hard to go to sleep like this, because all I can think about is how the food in my stomach is going to become fat on my thighs by tomorrow. It's going to be on my thighs, my waistline, my arms, my sides.... everywhere.

I don't know what to do.

I can't exercise. I'd have been exercising already, but I can't tonight. Or last night. My niece(2) and nephew(6) are sleeping, taking up my exercise space - and sleeping during my exercise time. It's hard, the night is supposed to be my alone time.

But I can't be alone

and I won't be getting much sleep - because my niece will probably start screaming soon.

She hates everybody. Everybody but mommy.

And apparently her mother is a drug addict who's withdrawn from her children - and my brother, the father, is off somewhere with an erratic work schedule for a few days.

So she hates everybody. And she's screaming unless she's asleep.

Anyways, if you want to know how I feel right now
This is how:

The Freakshow

I made this post explicitly to share something my boyfriend shared with me

America’s Obesity Epidemic: Bringing Sideshow Freaks Into The Discussion

"This is Chauncy Morlan, and around 100 years ago his obesity was so shocking that people would pay money to see him as he toured the country as a circus “fat man”. I find the unremarkableness of his size to be a telling sign of how we’ve pushed the limits of obesity in the past 100 years. Imagine, if you will, what society would look like if 100 years from now if what passed as spectacularly obese today would not even turn heads at the mall."

Punk Rock is Amazing...

I get such a spazzy jolt of energy listening to the Ramones. It's amazing. I put together a punky playlist. Only 15 songs, but consider it like a little mix-tape for my skinnies ^_^

It's mostly the Ramones and the Clash - but they're who's on my ipod.

Worn out

I'm really out of it. Stressed.
It's partly school work. It's partly my period. It's partly police problems (yeah, but I can't talk about that because I've told everyone I know about it and I just don't want to risk the connection).

Today I just wanted to melt in my boyfriend's arms for hours... but I had other obligations.

He doesn't need me the same way I need him. I cope with my stress by wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his neck... breath him in. He smells absolutely amazing.

He deals with stress by ranting and pacing. Useless for snuggling. So when we're both stressed, we stress out each other, because our coping habits conflict.

sigh.

My weight is the same. It's technically down because I've been bloated the past few days.

A few pounds make such a huge difference, though.

I'm not even trying.

I'm wrapped up in school...and that's good, it should be a priority.

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I saw freshmen today, they were sitting across a computer table from me talking.

They looked 12 to me.

I wonder if that's because I'm used to my boyfriend's friends - who are all around 10 years older than me..or if I've aged too.

I don't want to age.

It scares me a lot.

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I want you girls to know that I think about you a lot. It sounds like a lie, doesn't it? I don't always comment, I don't even always read. I get so behind. I suck.

But sometimes I'll see something or think of something that reminds me of something I read.

Like today I ended up walking 2 miles in the cold, and thought... this reminds me of a post someone made about loving to feel cold.
wrapped up in a sweatshirt, laying in the sun on a warm day.
and still being cold.
Because cold feels beautiful

That sentiment was so beautiful. Sad part is I don't remember who said it. Was it you? It was a long time ago.

--------------------------------

Anyway, beauties. I'm going to work out and go to bed.

You're too good for me!

Leaving some thinspo. It's actually excellent thinspo, but they're talking about mens body parts. lol.

Something about movement is better for thinspo than pictures. Pictures don't have quite the same effect. I have such a Victoria's Secret obsession lately, though. I can't afford it, but I love what they make.