Friday, April 9, 2010

Worn out

I'm really out of it. Stressed.
It's partly school work. It's partly my period. It's partly police problems (yeah, but I can't talk about that because I've told everyone I know about it and I just don't want to risk the connection).

Today I just wanted to melt in my boyfriend's arms for hours... but I had other obligations.

He doesn't need me the same way I need him. I cope with my stress by wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his neck... breath him in. He smells absolutely amazing.

He deals with stress by ranting and pacing. Useless for snuggling. So when we're both stressed, we stress out each other, because our coping habits conflict.


My weight is the same. It's technically down because I've been bloated the past few days.

A few pounds make such a huge difference, though.

I'm not even trying.

I'm wrapped up in school...and that's good, it should be a priority.


I saw freshmen today, they were sitting across a computer table from me talking.

They looked 12 to me.

I wonder if that's because I'm used to my boyfriend's friends - who are all around 10 years older than me..or if I've aged too.

I don't want to age.

It scares me a lot.


I want you girls to know that I think about you a lot. It sounds like a lie, doesn't it? I don't always comment, I don't even always read. I get so behind. I suck.

But sometimes I'll see something or think of something that reminds me of something I read.

Like today I ended up walking 2 miles in the cold, and thought... this reminds me of a post someone made about loving to feel cold.
wrapped up in a sweatshirt, laying in the sun on a warm day.
and still being cold.
Because cold feels beautiful

That sentiment was so beautiful. Sad part is I don't remember who said it. Was it you? It was a long time ago.


Anyway, beauties. I'm going to work out and go to bed.

You're too good for me!

Leaving some thinspo. It's actually excellent thinspo, but they're talking about mens body parts. lol.

Something about movement is better for thinspo than pictures. Pictures don't have quite the same effect. I have such a Victoria's Secret obsession lately, though. I can't afford it, but I love what they make.


  1. Awwww... I know what you mean! I don't post that much either anymore (once every few days), but I know exactly what you mean about always thinking about the other bloggers. You can't get out of this world once you're so far into it.

    That's so cruel, putting that thing about the police problems and then not telling us what's going on... Are you ok?

  2. It is sad to see such a beautiful soul tormented by illusion. Free yourself from travelling this road, steer toward love and peace. I invite you to a new reality free yourself from the matrix.

    Namaste my sister Ana, from a bucket of fear love awaits...