Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Language warning.

I just had a massive fight with my dad.

Basically I was threatened and insulted.

I was called an ignorant cunt.

I was called a stupid twat.

I was called a lot of other things I don't remember.

He's an absolute asshole. The worst person I've ever known, next to my mother.

I told him to wash his hands when he got back, before he touched the dogs. He and my mother were going to court to sit and listen to the hideous repulsive shitbeast, which I've mentioned before and don't really want to get into again. It's not a person, just a fat disgusting piece of shit with an alcohol problem. No person could be so repulsive and stupid.

My dad was in a pissy mood because of the shitbeast, but turned all that rage onto me for reminding him to wash his hands.

Came right up to my face, and threatened that he would hit me if I opened my mouth again. Tried to stare me down, with this awful glare that I've become rather accustomed to over the years. I didn't say anything, but I stared back for a long time. I almost knew he was going to do it anyway. He didn't, but he wanted to. Just to get it out.

The ironic thing is that the shitbeast is in court for hitting it's "girlfriend."

So this assault case would be an interesting addition to that.

He wanted to hit me. I could see it in his eyes. His rage was immeasurable.

I know he wasn't mad at me, he was just taking his rage out on me. The thing is he's just to much of a stubborn asshole to realize that, so he's going to come home and act like more of an asshole.

I have a big day ahead of me, actually. I have an event today. It's after 8 in the morning and I haven't been to bed yet.

I know what my dad was trying to do. He was trying to make me cry. He's a horrible asshole, he doesn't think he's "gotten it through my thick skull" until he's made me cry.

Maybe he interprets my crying as remorse, rather than fear. Maybe he just likes the fear.

I've noticed over the years that he screams until he makes me cry. He started hitting me as a kid to make me cry. He's a terrible person when he gets like this. He says horrible things.

One little quip I'd like to throw out there, is that immediately after calling me an ignorant twat, he said he was the only one in the house who showed any respect.

WOW. I called him out on that one. He didn't like that.

He deserves to be cut down to size. I could, if I were willing to press charges.

The thing is, I don't think I actually have the courage to take him to court. What am I supposed to do, anyways? I don't like the police. I don't want to go to court. He's bipolar or something anyway, a day or two later he's pretending nothing ever happened. I don't want to speak to a lawyer, or to police. They're scary and intimidating.

HE IS NOT MY GUARDIAN ANYMORE. I certainly don't respect him.

The only reason I'm here is because I'm poor, and because I don't want the shitbeast moving back in with my animals.

BOTH of my parents lie to me all the time. When my dad doesn't want to lie, he starts in with the name calling and anger, with pretending he's got some authority that makes what he's doing okay.

I guess I'm not making sense out of context anymore. I don't want to explain the entire context, though.
All you need to know is that the shitbeast is violent, has tried to kill me, drinks, and is filthy. So damn filthy. Plague filthy. Vile, repulsive, vomit-inducing. I had to see it the other day - it was awful. So fucking fat, and it's hair made me want to puke.

So yeah.

Oh, and I never mentioned my mother smacked me in the face the other day.

I don't even know anymore.

I feel so fucking abused, and weak, and I hate it. I want to fight it, but I just keep getting beaten back down with lies and treachery and violence.

I'm SICK of this shit, and I need to get out of it.

I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm sorry if this seems vague, or if it seems dramatic. I just can't get all the details out.

But I'm *really* upset right now. I'm just glad I didn't cry in front of my ASSHOLE father.

Probably WOULD have hit me if he didn't have somewhere to be. I hope he acts like that if he has to be a witness.


  1. get out - get out now

    I know you say you're poor, but you can find roommates online and something within your budget

    you have to get away from them anyway you can

    I want to help you, please let me know if there is anything you need, you deserve better

  2. Job equals freedom
    Friend with car equals freedom
    Find one please, for yourself.

  3. You need to get yourself out.

    My dad is like that, I got out = happy.

    Good luck babes, I hope everything gets better. xoxo