Failure...

I've been failing a lot lately. I think it's stress. It must be... There's a lot to be stressed about. My financial aid, my menopausal mother and probably bi-polar father, my grades...and my fat ass.

I've gained two pounds by the way. I'm hoping that's just water weight because I'm expecting my period in a little over a week. I'm just not losing anymore, though. I haven't lost in ages. I know why, too. I haven't had any self control.

I TRY to have control over myself...but I'm such a glutton sometimes. I made this blog to make me feel stronger, to inspire myself. Lately it's just a stark reminder of my failure. I feel like I've been neglecting it. I've gotten very discouraged.

That's why I'm thinking of taking a different approach for now. My boyfriend is back, but while he was gone I was exercising and it made me feel amazing. It always does. I'm thinking of just upping my calorie limit and filling my diet with healthier items and exercising more. If I can. Obviously I won't eat so much when I can't exercise. But I figure if I eat more healthy things I won't binge so much. I ate a thousand calories with my boyfriend today. I'm ashamed to say that. ONE THOUSAND. That's so much! I mean, it was over a fairly long period of time, but seven hours of stuffing my face with cheese curls and cookies and a sandwich made with white bread??! I drank some water, it just made me feel sick. Got in an hour of light exercise tonight, though, when I got home....

I'm glad he's back though. Even if he's bad for me, physically. I could tell he'd missed me too, which made me feel better about the fact that he'd abandoned me this weekend. We snuggled and watched Logan's Run and Hollywood Homicide. Except for the copious amounts of garbage I shoveled down my greedy throat, it was a good night.

I can say, however, that I'm happy that that much food made me sick. It'll teach me a lesson. About what being a worthless cow brings you. . . a bloated nasty midsection.

I have a sensitive stomach, why do I do this to myself?

Just to end this on a more positive note...some kickass thinspo. I need to look at more thinspo.






^seriously kickass chick ^_^

I hope you girls are doing amazingly. I'll be checking up on your blogs tomorrow. Right now, it's four thirty in the morning. (-_-) < Zzzz)