Summer Challenge week two.

1. I've stated before that I want a gap between my thighs...I'm almost there. My hips are still a nightmare, but go figure. One goal at a time, I suppose. It'll have to be more of a gap than just not touching, though. I can still feel it when I'm walking.... hmm, I want hip-bones too now that I think about it. They're sort of there.

2.
Things I have noticed since losing weight/restricting:
-My body works better. When I eat something, I notice it's effects on my body. When I eat carbs, I have more energy. You don't get that feeling when you eat whatever/whenever.
-I can't sleep with food in my stomach anymore, so I don't worry too much about eating at night because I can't rationalize it. I just don't want to, because I know it'll make it hard for me to sleep.
-I'm lighter. Seems obvious, but my boyfriend picked me up and carried my around the bus-stop the other day and I was less terrified then I used to be.... I feel like he won't drop me.
-I'm more mellow than I used to be. I used to be more of a spaz, but for some reason eating less calms me down. I can be around people. I feel like people don't automatically wonder what mental disorder or learning disability I have...they have to know me a while.
-furthermore, in relation to that, I feel less self-conscious around pretty girls. As long as I'm comparably skinny I feel less anxious.
-I can exercise longer - - and I jiggle less doing it.

:)

I want to apologize, I feel like I was annoyingly critical of myself when I posted my last entry. I was just freaking out a little bit because it's not everyday I post a picture of myself in my underwear on the internet. I know we all think like that sometimes, but I overreacted.

I also want to thank everyone who said nice things to me ^_^ You girls rock.

I was 129 when I stepped on the scale this morning. I'm kind of impressed with myself, I don't usually lose that quickly - lol, but I don't know ... maybe I was just dehydrated. Or maybe it's cycle related, my period is ending.

Pigged out with my boyfriend today again. I ended up eating like half a bag of smartfood popcorn and 4 cookies. :[ I never would have gotten the cookies on my own...and there's a reason I should avoid popcorn. It's healthy in moderation, but I can't control myself. The popcorn...it's like I have one piece...and then another...and then another. It's addictive. I keep going. I only stopped because I was full...and not immediately either.
I HATE the way full feels.

Anyways, I don't see myself eating anything else tonight. Just lots and lots of water.

...

Was watching TV tonight. Commercials are downright cruel to middle aged women. Or even just women over thirty. It's scary - I think thirty is a beautiful age, but when I get there society is going to treat me like I'm past some expiration date. That's what I anticipate. Just thirty years ago, things weren't so bad. On the old star trek, all the love interests of Kirk's, or as my boyfriend calls them, "the ass," were curvy, and the right age for the crew members. That means thirty five and up, and not scrawny.
I mean, popular culture is so ... wrong
There was a commercial for wal-mart featuring a woman I consider to be thin...she was looking at her swimsuit, and then they narrated how great their prices on diet pills are.
You know that's just manipulative. Diet pills are for women more than ten pounds overweight, or at least that's what a doctor would say. But on television, we're constantly being made to feel not good enough.
Don't get me wrong, I'm totally against blaming the media for things like eating disorders, but the world would be a better place without shamelessly advertising diet pills to healthy women...It just pissed me off. Jeez, a week at the gym would have her toned - if she wasn't already, goddamnit, she was one of those house-wife models you see in all the domestic commercials. They're not fashion models, but they're never fat.

Okay. I need to pace. Or comment. I'll do both, I don't know what order.

Okay, gross ~_~

My Summer Challenge "before" pic.
Okay, that's even worse than I expected it to be. It's a bad angle, but that seems like an excuse. I guess I knew my hips were a nightmare, but that's just disgusting. I apologize if this disappoints some people, I think it might.
On the bright side, that's a real motivator. WOW is that a real motivator. If I don't have slimmer hips by the end of the challenge, you have my permission to stop following me. I really don't deserve followers.
It's gimped, but only for modesty and anonymity.
Okay, so what did I want to blog about? Besides my monstrous thighs.
I guess I could share a couple links I thought were motivating.

Lily Cole and Mary-Kate thinspo. Seriously good stuff O_O

You've probably heard all of these tips, but it's thinspirational to read them, I think.

So far today I've had less than 800 calories.

I haven't worked out, but I will.

I don't know if the image will stay up...If it goes down it'll probably happen when I post my next entry.

I'm not exactly articulate, tonight, am I? Wasted some thoughts on twitter, perhaps.
And I'm nervous. Terrified to hit "publish."

Summer Challenge :)

:) You win, PrettyWreck, I'm joining the challenge ^_^
and thanks to skinnylove too for the encouragement :D

Age: 20
Current Weight: 131
Goal Weight Loss: Unsure. Under 130. I want my thighs to not touch. It's actually a small goal, but I'm still feeling out the atmosphere for that sort of thing. Besides, that's a big landmark, seeing as I'm currently at my lowest weight.
Personal Goal: Engage in one of the nerdy projects my boyfriend wants to do with me.
Biggest Challenges: I binge with my boyfriend. My dad brings home ttonnss of junk food.

No pics yet. Tomorrow maybe - Want to use my boyfriend's camera, could be tricky.

Question For Week #1
HOLY SHIT! YOU CAUGHT A LEPRECHAUN!
Instead of gold, he gives you a choice. You can either:
A) Be forever the weight of your dreams, and never have to worry about gaining a pound.
or
B) Be the richest person in the world, and your money will never run out

What do you choose?
A!! I don't want to be the richest woman in the world. Too many obligations and responsibilities. My boyfriend would think that's crazy, but I want to be middle class - and skinny....but if any of you girls got choice B I'd be completely willing to accept a few thousand dollars to pay my parents' and boyfriend's debts, and get my beau and I an apartment :)

I'm rather excited about this - I've never done a challenge. But this one seems less restrictive and others, and seeing as I have no real say in the groceries that come into my house, and am constantly wandering the city with my boyfriend, I don't have too much flexibility with what I have to eat. I just have to aim for a low calorie count.

Okay. There are a couple things I wanted to mention in this post. Like when I was at the coffee shop, and this gorgeous skinny girl with dark circles around her eyes watched me eat half a chicken focaccia sandwich...I think she saw me reading blogs, too. Had my computer turned away from my beau. She was probably thinking...What a wannarexic.
Wannarexic: pretty much a wanna-be anorexic. I'm sure everyone knows what one is...
I learned that word the other day, mentioned in a really fascinating debate on a forum I frequent in a thread about proana websites. I'd love to share that link with you, but I really can't...what with the potentiality of linking it to another username someone might recognize.
Basically there are a lot of girls who were former anorexics/bulimics who've decided that these sites are inherently bad. Others said that they were the only things giving them a support network, and kept them from killing themselves. I see things as the latter. But I can see how turning against the sites could help the temptation to visit, and trigger... It's a pretty heated argument.

Okay, I'll keep you posted. I've been stuck at this weight for a while now, I'm going to try harder ^_^ I'd like to show SOME progress for the challenge. Great motivation.

I'm also becoming increasingly obsessed with twitter - I suggest to check out my twitter feed, I have in on my blog if you don't want to have twitter, but if you do have twitter follow me and some of the really helpful girls I'm following. http://twitter.com/DepthPerfection
Twitter might also serve as a pretty good prelude to my blogs. lol - if you start jonesin' for a Depth Perfection update.