Sunday, May 17, 2009

Summer Challenge week two.

1. I've stated before that I want a gap between my thighs...I'm almost there. My hips are still a nightmare, but go figure. One goal at a time, I suppose. It'll have to be more of a gap than just not touching, though. I can still feel it when I'm walking.... hmm, I want hip-bones too now that I think about it. They're sort of there.

Things I have noticed since losing weight/restricting:
-My body works better. When I eat something, I notice it's effects on my body. When I eat carbs, I have more energy. You don't get that feeling when you eat whatever/whenever.
-I can't sleep with food in my stomach anymore, so I don't worry too much about eating at night because I can't rationalize it. I just don't want to, because I know it'll make it hard for me to sleep.
-I'm lighter. Seems obvious, but my boyfriend picked me up and carried my around the bus-stop the other day and I was less terrified then I used to be.... I feel like he won't drop me.
-I'm more mellow than I used to be. I used to be more of a spaz, but for some reason eating less calms me down. I can be around people. I feel like people don't automatically wonder what mental disorder or learning disability I have...they have to know me a while.
-furthermore, in relation to that, I feel less self-conscious around pretty girls. As long as I'm comparably skinny I feel less anxious.
-I can exercise longer - - and I jiggle less doing it.


I want to apologize, I feel like I was annoyingly critical of myself when I posted my last entry. I was just freaking out a little bit because it's not everyday I post a picture of myself in my underwear on the internet. I know we all think like that sometimes, but I overreacted.

I also want to thank everyone who said nice things to me ^_^ You girls rock.

I was 129 when I stepped on the scale this morning. I'm kind of impressed with myself, I don't usually lose that quickly - lol, but I don't know ... maybe I was just dehydrated. Or maybe it's cycle related, my period is ending.

Pigged out with my boyfriend today again. I ended up eating like half a bag of smartfood popcorn and 4 cookies. :[ I never would have gotten the cookies on my own...and there's a reason I should avoid popcorn. It's healthy in moderation, but I can't control myself. The's like I have one piece...and then another...and then another. It's addictive. I keep going. I only stopped because I was full...and not immediately either.
I HATE the way full feels.

Anyways, I don't see myself eating anything else tonight. Just lots and lots of water.


Was watching TV tonight. Commercials are downright cruel to middle aged women. Or even just women over thirty. It's scary - I think thirty is a beautiful age, but when I get there society is going to treat me like I'm past some expiration date. That's what I anticipate. Just thirty years ago, things weren't so bad. On the old star trek, all the love interests of Kirk's, or as my boyfriend calls them, "the ass," were curvy, and the right age for the crew members. That means thirty five and up, and not scrawny.
I mean, popular culture is so ... wrong
There was a commercial for wal-mart featuring a woman I consider to be thin...she was looking at her swimsuit, and then they narrated how great their prices on diet pills are.
You know that's just manipulative. Diet pills are for women more than ten pounds overweight, or at least that's what a doctor would say. But on television, we're constantly being made to feel not good enough.
Don't get me wrong, I'm totally against blaming the media for things like eating disorders, but the world would be a better place without shamelessly advertising diet pills to healthy women...It just pissed me off. Jeez, a week at the gym would have her toned - if she wasn't already, goddamnit, she was one of those house-wife models you see in all the domestic commercials. They're not fashion models, but they're never fat.

Okay. I need to pace. Or comment. I'll do both, I don't know what order.


  1. I cant even watch tv anymore because it makes me so mad. A few commercials to go out and stuff your face then one to make you feel horrible about your body. its fucked.

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